by Vicky Smee

Created on: October 13, 2008

Standing outside, the rain pours down beating against my face, hair drenched to my scalp. I'm crying, crying inside, crying outside. No-one can see me, no-one cares. People rush by seeking shelter I walk slowly, welcome of the cold wind that blasts through the streets. Anything to take the feeling away, what have I done.

If it wasn't raining you'd still see the blood on my hands, washed away by the torrential down pour, is it fate that brought the rain, washing away my sins, keeping prying eyes away from my guilt.

I walk slowly home my minds a haze what happened, what did I do. My intention to walk to the police station to tell them everything is waning now. Home that's where I should be, home to my warm loving wife, I'll shower I'll wash the guilt away, no-one will ever have to know, just shut out the memory blast it from my mind.

The sight of my door in the pouring rain, so welcoming, the light burns bright in the hall. She's home. My love at the door way, grabbing me in. Covering me with warmth and kindness.

The memories flooding back now, I just want to push it back, not now not here, leave me in peace.

"What's wrong my darling you look ill"

"Nothing don't worry about me, I'll get out of these wet clothes and into a warm bath, I'll be fine"

"I'll have supper ready when you get down"

She kisses me a gentle kiss from her soft warm lips.

Climbing the stairs seems so difficult today; the thick soft carpet feels like quick sand dragging me down, guilt, guilt is sweeping through me, what did I do?

I sink into the bath tub, sweat beads down my face, my heart races. Now I'm alone, what did I do?

What could I have done. She was pregnant, pregnant with a child set to tear my world apart. No one knew I'd been with her, no one knew she was pregnant. She refused to terminate, she wanted me. She wanted us to be a family. What could I tell my warm loving wife. How could I let her know what kind of man I've been, driven by lust to another woman's bed.

I did it for you my love though you'll never know, I sank a knife into her heart, felt her blood run down my hands.

I ran from her home, I ran into the rain. Guilt swept over me, what had I done. Gone though are all thoughts of turning myself in. I did this for you my love. My wife, to save you from the pain. The pain that this terrible woman would have brought into our lives. I'll forget about her now, just a distant memory. Tonight I'll spend in the loving arms of my wife.

What did I do? I saved our lives, I saved our future, and no one will ever know.

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