by Henry Edwards

Created on: January 15, 2007   Last Updated: May 01, 2007

Why are you wearing make-up, Woman?

Ok ladies, before you answer my question, let's get down to the bottom of this issue. I know, you are already calling me a male chauvinist pig. Under normal circumstances I believe I can accept that fact, but on this topic I will be proven right, without being labeled the MCP.

We, meaning us guys collectively, have all been guilty of gawking at the lovely female gender. We never tire of gazing upon a beautiful woman. Some of us do this secretly, others do it with abandoned disregard to respect such as a group of construction workers who feel the need to catcall or whistle with glass shattering volume. However I venture to say, either way your goal has been achieved. Did I say "Your goal has been achieved"? Yes, that's right; you got exactly the reaction you were looking for when you applied the war paint.

Who are you trying to impress? Surely it isn't the man that woke up beside you, the one who witnessed your natural beauty in all its morning glory. No, even "us guys" know the answer to that. You, as in " The great female gender collectively" feel the undeniable desire to be looked upon as beautiful once you step outside the door of your own home. I could back up this theory with statistics of yearly earnings from the cosmetic industry, but I would not want to bore you with documented facts.

So what? you might ask. So I must ask you this question.

Why are you wearing make-up, Woman?

If you act like you have been violated when you notice a man staring at you. Was that not your desired reaction? Back me up here men, how many times have you noticed a woman that has obviously spent a good portion of the morning leaning into her bathroom mirror applying various types of make-up to her face? Or maybe you see a woman driving down the road applying eye shadow, or stopped at the traffic light applying lipstick red enough to cause a bull to charge at her. Here is my point, the moment she "The great female gender collectively" notices that you are appreciating her desired reaction, she acts as if you have violated her. She will no doubt avert her eyes to another direction as if you have no right to look upon her.

Another question, why do you wear make-up to draw attention to you if you do not want the attention? This was always a paradox to me until it finally sunk in to my thick male skull. You do want me "Us guys collectively" to stare at you. This makes you feel attractive; it makes you feel appreciated for your beauty. So come off of the smug attitude you women always project, or come off of the make-up and let us see what you really look like. After all, this is an unfair advantage that you have over your male counterpart right?

While we are on the subject, why are you wearing that sexy outfit, Woman?

Don't try to look confused or dumbfounded by the question. You know what I'm talking about! Yes, the low cut dress exposing the upper half of your breasts that just so happened to be so tan, even in the winter months. Why wear the jeans that are two sizes too small or the skirt that barely covers your gender? We know why, oh yes we know why. So don't act like we are invading your privacy by moving our eyes over what you chose not to cover out of modesty. That's right, if you show it, we are looking at it. In other words, we are giving you exactly what you want. Attention! So do not deny it with looks of astonishment when you hear a comment, or by looking away quickly when a guy notices your efforts to stand out.

Try a smile for a change. Every man enjoys a smile from a beautiful woman, even if the beauty is only painted on.

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