by S.A.Robb

Created on: October 11, 2008

I have had anxiety/panic disorder since I was twenty years old. That means that I have spent most of my life coping with anxiety while trying to date. It is not easy, nor is it fun. I can only imagine what it is like for the person trying to date me.

Anxiety affects every facet of your life. It determines your mood, self-confidence, self-esteem, the activities that you feel safe doing, the people you feel comfortable around, to what type of shoes you wear. This may sound like a bit much, but I assure you it is all true. As any person with anxiety knows, one negative experience will effect every experience of the same nature after that. The association is in your mind and it is hard to fight it off.

For example, you have anxiety or a panic attack at a movie and leave. From then on you associate going to the movies with that bad experience. You don's want to, it even makes you crazy that you do it. You want to be like everyone else and go to a movie, but you can't.

Dating is tough on people as it is. You are worried about making a good impression, coming off as a fun and interesting individual. You want to seem like noone else. The problem people with anxiety face is that they are often perfectionists, have issues with crowds, new places, new people, feeling comfortable talking about their anxiety, and a littany of other issues.

The first step is to accept that you are not like everyone else. You have a limitation to a degree, but it's okay. It does not take away any interesting things about you, if anything it makes you more interesting. You may not want to go to the new club that just opened, but that new quiet little cafe seems perfect to get to know someone.

In order to do that, you need to be upfront and honest about your anxiety from day one. People do not react well to continual turn downs to go out when they do not know the reason. However if they truly like you and are aware that it is simply anxiety that is preventing you from doing certain things with them until you feel more comfortable they are more likely to be accomodating.

This DOES NOT mean that you get to do what you want all the time. There does have to be some give and take, you will have to cope with doing new things. You will have to cope with the anxiety that dating causes you. You will have to be open with the person you are dating. You will have to get used to people not understanding and moving on.

However I can say this, after you find the right person. Coping with anxiety, dating, and anything else becomes much easier. It takes time, and not all people are going to be understading, but it only takes one.

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