Erotic Crystallization Inertia is a term/concept coined by the late Anton LaVey, founder of a certain infamous Church (one that happens to have a far superior human rights record to Catholicism, Mormonism, or ANY form of Islam). It is based upon this principle:

"That which is pleasing to the eye gives joy, and joy gives strength, and strength gives life."

-Anton LaVey, the Devil's Notebook, p.72

LaVey's theory of Erotic Crystallization is that each person "crystallizes" at his or her sexual prime. For Grandma, this might be 1946, high-heeled pumps and dark red lipstick. For Uncle Ray, this might be 1986, the era of power suits, sunglasses at night, and bomber jackets.

Inundating yourself with visual cues to the era you were crystallized helps you to stay young and vital, right down to re-creating the environment you peaked in.

So for Grandma to stay young and vital, she should move to a small town where precious little ever changes. LaVey mentions the phenomenon of how old people seem revitalized when they move into a community of their contemporaries (i.e. assisted living). He rationalizes that living among your peers in an environment similar to the one you came of age in is like a virtual fountain of youth. For Uncle Ray, perhaps the best for him is a move to Miami, where suit-wearing cheese balls still speed around in hot cars and mostly-naked women fry themselves into semi-cancerous states on every refuse-littered beach.

I suppose it's great advice for some. I guess it's fine if you LIKED the era you peaked in.

I hated the era I peaked in. I've always hated pop culture.

I don't follow current fashions. They're ugly. Capri pants and suntans, gross.

Modern music. You've got to be kidding me. I don't care what gangsta rap has evolved to.

Celebrities. So what if Tom and Katie marry? They'll be divorced within five years.

Religion. If you cannot admit that there is a possiblity of NONEXISTENCE after death, you are a mental midget and a coward. I hope there is a hell so that you can rot in it.

I decide what I like and what is relevant to me, no one else.

The media says to me that Jessica Simpson is important. No, she is not. Fashion rags tell me that my hair should be a different style. Sorry, no deal. Real estate brokers tell me I need more living space and a bigger mortgage. Nuh-uh. Television attempts to undermine my sense of the language by saturating me with slang idioms. I'll stick to my own form of English, thanks.

I look ten years younger than I am. I'm in my mid-thirties, but I look like I'm in my mid-twenties. I believe stongly that is my refusal to follow trends that keeps me young. Because those who follow trends do not lead, they get used up by a system designed to enslave them. Now, there's a point where I can agree with LaVey, albeit belatedly. There's a certain age where giving in to peer pressure can have benefits, and that age is puberty. After puberty, if you don't start insisting on going your own way, you are, in a word, lost.

Refuse the lobotomy and you'll have the fountain of youth. That, and clean living.

Learn more about this author, Nariko Yamata.
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