by Dossie M Terrell

Created on: October 11, 2008   Last Updated: May 14, 2012

It is mystifying how some parents believe they can allow their young ones to throw temper tantrums as toddlers and sass them as preteens and wonder why as teenagers they are disrespectful. There is a progression. Behavior that may have looked "cute" at a younger age does not change because parents deem it so; therefore, it is important that they instill in their young ones conduct or behavior they can build on.

Usually when teenagers act disrespectful they are seeking attention and may believe negative attention is better than no attention. Hence, parents should do some introspective analyses. If their teenagers were always fairly civil and seemingly overnight morphed into unfriendly alien creatures, there must be a reason. Rather than approach them, and most likely getting nowhere, they should check their own behavior. Has work consumed them so they are spending less time with their children? Have marital conflict caused the teenagers to choose sides or become frightened about their future?

Teenagers like structure, but because of their puerile nature, they will likely argue that they are in complete control of their lives and need no guidance from you. Notwithstanding, they need to know there are house rules that, if not complied with, there will be serious consequences. Parents should be in agreement on discipline and should not undermine each other's efforts; teenagers seem to have antennas and can sense even a modicum of parental discord. If the house rules are firm and not fluid, chances are your teenagers will toe the line. If they do not, do not fail to carry through on prescribed consequences, even if it hurts. They will be better for it.

Communication continues to be the most important factor in dealing with disrespectful teenagers. Parents should always ensure the door is open to discuss anything, not simply what they deem appropriate. When my daughter was younger and said things not age appropriate or used foul language, I would tell her "civilized folks don't talk (or act) that way," or "you need to check out the dictionary, your vocabulary is rather limited." Because she considered herself bright and intelligent, she rarely repeated the behavior.

Parents should help their teenagers vocalize their angst and anxieties. If they do not want to speak with you at your appointed time, let them know you will always be available for them. Make the exchange friendly, even if your teenagers are not, and try to let them know that they are not alone and that you,

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