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Satire: Parenting

I find myself in the baby isle of the department store for the second time this month. The dreaded time when I have to buy diapers. I know most of you who don't have kids are going "what's the big deal?" Well the big deal here, is that I don't have a BABY I have a toddler. Not just a toddler but a toddler who will be turning 3 next month. Yes I'm still buying diapers for my child who is almost 3 and unfortunately there seem to be a large group of parents who look at that as a beacon of failure on my part. So to avoid any comments about the fact that I'm dragging a 3 year old around the baby department with a bag of diapers under my arm, I try to beeline it out of there as fast as possible. My escape route is quickly blocked by 3 mothers pushing baby strollers and chasing after toddlers. I swear that you could be in a massive store and it could just be you and one other mother, and they would find you. It's like mommy radar or something, and they not only find you but they feel the need to bond with you. ESPECIALLY if you have a child the same age as theirs. This was no exception to that rule, as two of the mothers who were chasing toddlers smile down at Bella, I realize any possibility I have of escaping has with one single look been squashed. This mother then starts to ask Bella the usual questions "How old are you?" "What's your name?" and of course after seeing the diapers in my hand "I bet you don't need those silly diapers anymore do you? I bet you have a sister or brother at home?" As she says this she looks up at me and winks, as if to say, don't worry, it's painfully obvious that you haven't trained this chlid yet, so maybe I, a total stranger, can make your overly stubborn child go poop and pee in the ridiculously expensive potty you bought her 2 months ago.' I smile politely and wait for the usual pep talk that these parents feel is necessary.

"You know Bella, my little boy Jacob is 2 and a half, and HE goes on the potty!" To which my child responds, "YEAH?" I'm convinced at this point that she has developed the mocked excitement' just to appease the overly eager parents.

"Yes he goes on the potty, and his friend over here, David goes on the potty too! You should go on the potty you're a big girl!" I'm biting my lip at this point because I really want to word smack this mother but she keeps giving me the cheesiest smiles. After a few more minutes of this same old banter, she stands up turns her attention solely to me. This is never a good thing, this


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