by Lori Shevokas

Created on: January 15, 2007   Last Updated: August 06, 2010

My Story:

My whole life I had been told that the reasons my parents treated me in certain manners was because that is how they were raised. Of course, it was not my parents who said this, but rather it was coming from the mouths of many "experts" with degrees in psychology and sociology, and several abbreviations before and after their names. It was not until I was to be a parent, myself, that I felt I needed to know for sure. Do you know what my parents told me? They simply said that when they were faced with a situation their parents had handled, somehow in a fashion unsuitable to my parents' assessments, my parents would simply do the opposite of what my grandparents had done. As a result there was very little consistency, on top of other issues. I learned my parents had actually had very typically "storybook" childhoods, minus a bunch of money of course.

Although this served as some comfort while my belly expanded, and my oldest child began to kick and turn around inside me, I was still disturbed about how I could make sure I would be doing the right things. I knew I would make mistakes; all new parents do, but not all new parents know when they make these mistakes. I wanted to know everything about parenting.

I contacted Social Services about parenting education, and they had several programs available to me, including a cooking class, and a nurse who would visit my home, and examine my children every month. I learned more from the combination of my resources than I could have ever learned from a single person. The more I learned, the more I realized just how much my own parents never knew. I was happy to share every new idea I learned with my siblings and my parents, who were still raising my baby brother when I became a mother.

The most important advice I can give other young mothers, as I was, is to first be okay with yourself: get counseling, get Jesus in your heart, get yourself together. Then you can make the choice to be any kind of parent you wish to be. Every child is different, and has unique issues. The best way to care for your children is with a big heart, a lot of God, and a gentle, attentive ear. You have to listen to your children or they will never listen to you. They follow your example. If you want them to be productive members of society, then show them how to be that way. There are so many resources: books, internet, churches, libraries, and social services from which you can learn methods and alternatives to those methods. Be the parent you want your child to be. That is the best advice I can give. That is what I do, and mine are turning out beautifully.

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