by Paula Geister

Created on: October 09, 2008

My friend and I were at a local restaurant celebrating another friend's birthday when she pointed out a gentleman sitting at a booth a few yards away. I looked over and made a noncommittal sound.

"You don't think he's good-looking?" she asked. I replied that I didn't find him attractive. I looked over at him a couple more times just to be sure he wasn't my type' and sure enough he wasn't. But he must have found my friend attractive because I caught him checking her out. What is it that we see in others that makes someone "good-looking" to one and not to another?

I believe looks play a part in initial attraction and, unfortunately with some people, can play too big a part. But I seem to find people either "attractive" or "unattractive" based on more than just looks. Attractiveness is that quality or group of qualities that naturally attract you to someone. And "attractiveness" is what I look for first.

Here are some examples of times when attractiveness to me was based on something other than looks and my initial reaction based on physical attributes wasn't the deciding factor.

A guy I'll call Dave worked across the street from the grocery store where I was employed. He came in almost every afternoon on his break to buy a snack and seemed really friendly. Dave wasn't what I'd call good-looking in the classic sense at all. But the more Dave came in and I got to know him, the more attractive he became. He was smart and witty and he was a gentleman. Those things count to me when considering the attractiveness of a person.

Another man I know has the rich, resonant voice of someone you'd expect to do voiceovers for TV or radio. His are not classic Adonis attributes either. He's short and balding but a great guy. And I finally noticed he has big blue eyes. He's open and honest and laughs easily. Another man I know who does have those classic looks, beautiful dark eyes and thick black hair, a square jaw and straight teeth, has a high-pitched and nasally voice. But he's a great guy too with a pleasant personality and high morals. And both of those guys have great smiles. I don't know anyone who doesn't improve their looks when they smile. People who smile a lot seem to exude a natural friendliness.

So how much does physical appearance matter in dating? Probably a lot, but not once you get to know someone. Initial attraction, as we saw with my friend and the man in the restaurant booth, can come from entirely different definitions of "good looking." And, initially, it seemed

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