by Carrie Weitz

Created on: October 09, 2008

Growing up, I appreciated the influence of extended family. As the eldest of three children, my nuclear family was surrounded by the tight knit branches of our large tree. Today, my own children are fortunate to experience the same great influences while also navigating the high and low points of tying multiple trees together. Complex relationships and situations have redefined the design and definition of today's extended families.

My own parents divorced when I was a teenager, and I soon found myself the eldest of six, with two stepsisters and a half-brother. As an adult, my position changed again, bringing me an older stepbrother and his half-sister, whom I like to call my step-stepsister. Raised as one of three, I still find it strange to call myself one of eight, but I have no desire to pretend differently. These are my siblings, regardless of when or how they came to be. They're all family, for better or for worse.

This tree evolution has been relatively simple for me to adjust to. While certain relationships have suffered due to other circumstances, the change in structure never really bothered me and I welcomed additions to our lives. I haven't feared a negative impact on my own children, no more than I would in a simple family, even as the tree grows more twisted.

My son was born to my mixed family and his father's, another product of blending. We never married, but my husband and I wed when my son was two, creating a family that, while not truly abnormal, was certainly non-traditional. The concept of multiple sets of grandparents seemed perfectly natural to my son, who had no qualms with the extra doting. Adding two daughters to our family, our normal became their normal. Over the past six years, there have been few questions about our tree. The girls have known, even before they could understand, that their brother has additional family members, and they enjoy their own occasional contact with our version of extended family.

Eventually, my son gained a stepmother and stepbrother, adding yet another enormous tree for him to claim as his own. With the births of two more boys, one in each home, he found himself the eldest of six children, proud of his position, with four parents to depend on.

The logistics in our family do get complicated, and relationships are sometimes strained in various ways under certain conditions. In the end, the growth of our family does bring many rewards, outweighing the difficult times. We have so many people we can count on to share our happiness or comfort us in times of need. We are given multiple perspectives and experiences to learn from and grow with. We have formed bonds with people who might otherwise have remained strangers, and we continue to demonstrate the strengths and weaknesses of intricate family ties.

Our family often uses technical labels to describe our relationships to outsiders. Under the umbrella of our tree, labels are unnecessary. All family members are equally important, the twisted branches shared. It's a bit overwhelming to try to imagine how this tree will look to our children's children, but I am confident that they will accept it as normal and reap the benefits we have all come to treasure.

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