by Kelvin Crotch

Created on: January 14, 2007   Last Updated: April 01, 2007

Tonight I was putting my cassettes in alphabetical order. It didn't take long. 5ive, (it starts with a number so it goes first) Ace of Base, Erasure, and Springsteen (Bruce). There was a bit of deliberation (I deliberated with myself) over where Sir Cliff should go. Under R for Richard or C for Cliff? In the end I decided to show him the respect he deserves and put him under K for Knight of the Realm. Incidently, that leaves him between Erasure and Springsteen which is where he'd be if I'd filed him under R. What my little collection shows me is that, in the main, music was by far and away at it's best in the eighties and early 90's. One of my favourite bands, unfortunately I don't own any of their recordings, where at their strongest in this period. They played sell out concerts every week but would often have to rush to gigs because of their crazy rock n roll lifestyles. Can anyone remember who I'm talking about? They had TV cameras following their every move. They were brothers and were managed by their ruthless, tyrant father? Anyone got it yet? Yes that's right I'm talking about The Chipmunks: Alvin, Simon and Theodore. They were the best ever. Not only where they brothers and in a band but they all dated sisters who where also in a band. What are the odds? I remember those hot Chipettes well, Brittany was incredibly attractive, Jeanette was so intelligent and Elanor had a very nice personality.

Simon was something of a hero of mine, he was the first person who made it cool to wear glasses and he was able to bag himself a girlfriend despite being intelligent. That's a very difficult thing to do, especially with glasses, just look at any Hollywood movie. Ugly people wear glasses. Fact.

I wonder a lot about what the guys are up to now. Sadly, despite all the old pop stars that you see on reality TV shows these days, Alvin, Simon and Theodore have never appeared. What a shame. I think they'd add a touch of class to Big Brother. As I have no idea what they're doing, I have to imagine. I think Elanor would have had her heartbroken by Theodore's revelation that he is infact a gay. Come on, if H is one, then Theodore definitely is. I think Alvin and Brittany are probably still together and have lots of babies. I have no idea how quickly chipmunks reproduce but I bet however many there are, they're all very attractive. I hope Alvin hasn't got caught up with drugs. With that baseball cap worn with the peak pointing up to reveal a little bit of fringe, he had the look of a junkie about him. Lets hope he stayed away from it. I think Simon probably presents some science documentaries on American television. Whether the band still tour or not is something which troubles me. I'm sure if they'd had any major hits we'd have heard about it in the UK but perhaps they're on the lucrative American college circuit. Whatever they're doing, wherever they are, I hope they're happy.

The one thing that always worried me about The Chipmunks was the role of their overbearing manager and father Dave Seville. I hope he wasn't another Joseph Jackson who would beat his boys. Although if he sexually abused La Toya Jackson I don't think anyone would care. I never worked out how he was able to father chipmunks, perhaps he adopted. Another of my heroes is the legend Jonathon Scott. He is a zoologist and is best known for his presenting work on Big Cat Diary. He is a ruggedly, handsome man with a very strong moustache and one of his sayings is that you can never interfere with nature. If only Dave Seville had listened, the world would probably never had known Alvin, Simon and the gay one.

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