by Alison Tennant

Created on: October 08, 2008   Last Updated: December 12, 2009

There is no doubt in my mind that the vast majority of relationships cannot be built successfully through online contact.

Not only do you have the concerns that we all have before meeting someone (will I like him? what can I talk about? will we be compatible?, etc.), but you have an additional hundred or so AFTER 'meeting' him (what does he really look like? does he like how I look? is he being honest? am I being honest? should I re-examine what he's said?, etc.).

It's far easier to lie when writing than it is in person. And it's far easier to plan what you write to make yourself seem different than you are.

(If all Helium members met, would we speak exactly as we have written here?)

We give away so much about ourselves in person. We can't claim not to smoke for fear of the other person being a rampant non-smoker! We can't claim we're experts on Francois Truffaut or Satyajit Ray as we're without books or magazines.

But all of that is part of making an impression.

FAR more worrying is not knowing that the 25 year old hunk you're writing to is really a 55 year old obese smoker. Worse still, the 18 year old babe you've established a friendship with - or even a relationship with - may really be a 48 year old unemployed man with nothing better to do than impersonate her on mail.

Are there safeguards? They can be got around. Have you accepted me as a 33 year old female because I say I am?

OK, assume then that everything's above board. Some people say it's easier to make friends through the Internet than in real life. But if that 'friend' is a potential partner, you'll have to meet him or her at some point!

Isn't it better - for both of you - to get it over with at the beginning? "God, he's ugly" is a lot easier to say (or think) when you HAVEN'T been 'chatting' with him for weeks and DON'T know his likes and dislikes.

And, believe me, you'll feel like saying it about half of the men you meet online just as you would about half of the men who chat you up in real life!

And don't try that nonsense about looks not mattering when you've established a friendship based on similar likes and loves, because it always will.

Get the meeting over with. See a man you like in a bar, a club, or on the street. Find an excuse to talk to him. Within a minute you'll know whether he's potential partner, friend, or creep fodder.

On line it may take months to decide the same thing.

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