by Diane Winters

Created on: January 14, 2007   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

The memory of the day my 28 year old daughter found me is etched upon my heart like a rainbow connected to my soul... For 28 years I had prayed and wished and hoped that my daughter, the tiny perfect little human being I carried,loved and nurtured for nine long months in a home for unwed mothers, had somehow known my decision to give her up had nothing to do with any belief I didn't love her. How could she have possibly known that giving her up for adoption was unquestionably the most difficult decision I had ever made in my life?

It was a Wednesday at 8:30 A.M. when the phone rang in the law office where I worked as a secretary. On the other side of the line was a case worker from the County of Los Angeles. "She'd like to meet you", I was told as sat down hard afraid of collapsing. I had made a decision years ago not to look for her, believing that to do so would be disruptive to her life, but I had registered everywhere and kept my address updated in case she ever wanted to find me. Never in my wildest dreams, completely out of left field, I could not believe this was really happening. "Tell me about her", I asked in a shaky tearful voice that didn't even resemble my own.

Her name was Lisa, and she was living an hours drive away from where I now sat in disbelief. She was incredibly bright with an IQ upwards of 160. She was healthy and pretty and opening this heavy door into finding me with the help and support of her adoptive Mother.

"Give her my phone number," I said.

My conversation with Lisa lasted about five minutes; I don't remember exactly what she said, but twenty minutes later, after having told the attorney in charge I was leaving, I was on the freeway, tears streaming down my face so hard I could hardly see to drive. I stopped at the grocery store and bought a dozen roses and a chocolate cake which simply read, "Welcome Lisa".

We had agreed to meet at my house at 3 P.M. I was a whirlwind of activity and emotion, all mixed up with ridiculous questions like, are the windows clean, is the dog brushed, what am I going to wear? At 2:30 I walked into the bathroom to brush my hair and put on makeup and as I looked into the mirror, the tears once again flowed, prevented me from seeing anything. Oh God, what would she think of me?

Although I had believed I had made the right decision 28 years earlier, there was really no way of knowing. I wouldn't know until I met Lisa, and as the seconds turned into minutes, closing in on 3 O'Clock, I was grateful I didn't

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