by Alison Tennant

Created on: October 07, 2008

The short answer is "yes, they are".

However, if we take 'young' to mean 'under 35' (?), I can personalise this question and say "I was once, but that belief quickly evaporated".

Let me explain: when I was 18, I thought - like most young women - that a life of love, marriage, children, and career (in that order) stretched out in front of me. What subsequentyly occurred (i was treated like a punchbag by a 'boyfriend') may not - I hope not - be typical, but it put the kybosh on my desire for (or ability to have) three of those four things.

So by age 21 I'd decided that I was more afraid of being WITH someone than WITHOUT.

But, as I say, my experience wasn't typical, and if I turn this from the personal to the general, I think that the fear of being single resides in girls between the ages of 24 and 28. By 28 most women have decided on whether men are 'worth it' (if so, they may hook up with the next half decent specimen who comes along), or 'not worth it' (for whatever reason, and they have developed a lifestyle that doesnlt need constant companionship.

But, in the 24-28 group, girls still feel that being single is not 'how life is lived'. They see women around them with prams, pushchairs, and toddlers, and they get broody, suddenly thinking that in 10 years they may be seen as 'too old' to be a 'young mother'. So they pause, and scream and shout about needing a man.

I'm trying - unsuccessfully? - to mix my fear that young women in general DO worry about being single with my personal belief that they shouldn't!

After all, 'companionship' in terms of being a couple is overrated. (I think you'd find more women of my age agreeing with that than disagreeing.) And the main reason given for needing a man - wanting a child - is no longer acceptable. For that, a man AS PARTNER is not needed (and, quite apart from a male being a donor of whatever form, there's always adoption).

Despite me arguing that men aren't necessary, I suppose I should declare here that there is one whom I do, when necessary, call 'my partner'. But we don't live together, we don't do everything together, and we certainly don't keep tabs on where or with whom each has been.

Maybe that suggests that I get the best of both worlds.

But, if you think that, you're admitting that continual companionship is NOT essential, and that young women DO place too much emphasis on wanting to be part of a couple!

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