by Judy Joyce

Created on: October 07, 2008

CREATION: WHO ARE THOSE FOSSILS IN FOSSIL FUELS?

With all this talk about the need to get rid of fossil fuels, I started to wonder what a fossil really is. So I looked it up on the website of the U.S. Geological Society or whatever that group is that knows all that stuff. Here's what it says:

The great bulk of the fossil record is dominated by fossils of animals with shells and microscopic remains of plants and animals, and these remains are widespread in sedimentary rocks. It is these fossils that are studied by most paleontologists.

WOW! I thought. So that's what we are pumping up out there in the Gulf of Mexico that Eye of Hurricane Ike wanted to take a look-see at. So, I started thinkin'...and that in and of itself is a dangerous proposition. How did all those fossils get way down there under the ocean anyhow? I mean I thought all the animals were no where to be found except up here on the land. I mean I thought Mr. Darwin had figured that all out for us. Oh well, what do I know.

Wait a minute. Maybe all those folks in that flood where Noah built that boat had some animals with them when everybody drowned. Maybe they are all at the bottom of the ocean when we pump that oil up. Uh oh. Could I be putting Noah's next door neighbors in my tank when I fill up? I sure hope not. Why right there is a good reason to stop burying sailors at sea. That can't be right.

I got it - I got it. I heard tell that the fossils are down there where it's sooo hot they melt. That's why oil comes out as liquid. Do they get any chunks in an oil gush? I don't even like to think about it. Here's another thought. Maybe that Big Bang gave us more for our buck than we've yet to figure out. Maybe God's a member of the NRA. Maybe he was out shootin' off his rifle one day and ran out of buckshot. So he used a few bucks! I can see it all now. He's taking all these creatures, critters, dinosaurs, bucks, anything he can get his hands on. Now God has to have REALLLLY big hands. That shotgun would have to have a really big barrel on it too. Maybe he didn't just pick em up and shove those creatures down that big barrel.

Maybe, he did like I do with my dustpan trying to get rid of a bug. Maybe he laid the barrel down and let them all walk up the barrel like a circus canon act of something. Yea, that must be it. I think God is a pretty nice guy. So, if he's gonna be shootin' the Big Bang, he's gonna need a bullet that's the size of a cannon ball at least. I mean a God-sized cannon ball of course. So there he is. lettin everything he wants to wind up on earth walk down his gun barrel. Then - all of a sudden. BANG! The cannon ball is the earth. That's it. That's it. I knew I'd figure this out.

I mean it's sort of sad when you think about it. Surely the velocity on that cannon ball had all the creatures out front of it lookin like bugs bunny coming at the short end of Elmer Fudd's sawed off shotgun. That group must have stuck on the outside of the earth just like Darwin found em or whoever the fossil guys were. And, poor dears, a whole bunch of the others. And I mean a while bunch, got pulverized by the blast and scooped up by God to be sort of rolled into his dirt ball for that cannon gun. WOW!

I am sure glad I got creation figured out. Now that I know there's a kzillion bzillion animals inside the earth still being burnt to a crisp so they come out as liquid, I know God is for the NRA! I think I heard Charleston Heston say that once

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