by Stephanie Gustafson

Created on: October 06, 2008

Mr. Right

Mr. Right is manlier than Chuck Norris. He is a leader in the fields of phrenology, psychology, astrology and cosmetology. Japanese cuisine is his specialty, although he can whip up a magnificent tuna hot dish. He can play the tuba, the piccolo and the kazoo. Mr. Right enjoys romantic dinners and taking long walks on the beach, but his ideal date involves Quentin Tarantino movies. He absolutely adores the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Last year, he was on the cover of Seventeen Magazine and US Weekly. As a prominent Jedi, he owns an extensive collection of powerful lightsabers. He always pays his bills on time. His most recent novel is a bestseller on the New York Times, Washington Post, and was featured in Oprah's Book Club. In his spare time, Mr. Right creates detailed floor plans for Elementary schools.

Mr. Right was a recent guest on the Red Green show, where he taught Red how to make a jumbo jet out of duct tape. Old ladies adore him. In 1999 he broke the world record for time taken to solve the Rubik's cube blindfolded. Mr. Right's primary form of transportation is hot air balloon. Occasionally he hurls steak knives into honeydew melons. He can watch the movie Gone with the Wind in one sitting (without yawning). His mother approves of his wardrobe. Nobody looks more stunning in a kilt than Mr. Right. He once read all the Bronte sisters novels in an afternoon. When battling the mafia, Mr. Right's best defense is the atomic wedgie. His professions include brain surgeon, massage therapist and bounty hunter. He wrestles grizzlies and alligators with his bare hands. He recieves weekly fan mail from Hannah Montana and Amy Winehouse.

Mr. Right was a child prodigy. Last week he befriended a poltergeist, and they debated about pork-barrel spending over lunch. As the current Gypsy King of Romania, he has devoted himself to community foundations and philanthropy. He owns an extensive collection of toothbrush handles which are on display in a twehty-foot glass case. His recipe for pickled pig's feet won him first prize at this year's State Fair. Mr. Right designs record braking paper airplanes, which he donates to needy second grade boys. He is a gifted paparazzo, specializing in pictures of British Barons and their mistresses. At dance clubs, Mr. Right performs the robot, the running man and the Irish jig. He can bench press 900 pounds. In high school, he invented a human slingshot machine, but his cousin stole the patent. Mr. Right easily defeated Dr. Phil in a grueling game of rock-paper-scissors. At night, he sleeps on his back but never snores. He has a black belt in karate, builds castle replicas with toothpicks and is more attractive than James Dean, but his most impressive accomplishment will be dating me.

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