by Alison Tennant

Created on: October 06, 2008

Well if I substitute my exs and current for the "husband" in the title, I'd say - glibly - live alone!

But really, should there be a problem?

If your partner loves you, shouldn't he have the decency to perform the simple task of replacing the seat to its rightful position?

After all, it is a SEAT. It's meant to be sat on. If someone wishes to use the toilet without sitting (pretty primitive idea if you ask me!), then he should raise it - AND LOWER IT AFTERWARDS.

When I grew up, the only man in the house was my father, and three women screamed at him if he forgot to put it down. Being a man after nothing but 'a quiet life', he rarely forgot!

When I subsequently shared a flat with a man (not as partner), I became aware that manners like my father's HADN'T been ingrained into little boys.

By then, my sister had married her Prince Charming and had come up with the simple statement "Equality shouldn't mean the end of manners".

And I've tried to live by that ever since. My flatmate quickly learnt that my calm exterior was ruffled when I needed to use the bathroom and found the seat up.

As I had to explain, I didn't ask him to put it back JUST to prevent me murdering him, but :

- it's a seat, and we don't leave armchairs and sofas on their sides

- the toilet looks neat and tidy with it down, not showing off dirty or chipped enamel

- it's good manners to replace it and, as I've heard, "manners maketh the man".

- if I'm drunk and have to use it at night, I don't want to be in danger of falling in.

He took those simple statements on board and decided to do what I'd asked. (Or maybe it was my final claim that if he didn't, I'd rearrange his body so that HE'D have to sit down to use it in future!).

As a footnote to this, when I went to his weddign years later, his bride thanked me for having 'trained' him. She said he was the only boyfriend she'd had with manners when it came to the bathroom!

But another possibility for a forgetting husband is for you to leave notes. Ensure that they're there when you host a party, and they'll become a talking point. Add one that says "my husband leaves the seat up" in a position that can be seen only when you're sitting down (we had a small wall facing the loo, which was in a recess), and you'll have girl friends talking about him.

Or you can buy such a thing as a 'talking reminder' (or whatever they're called near you). Clip it to the underside of the seat and, when he raises it, a woman's voice will say "Welcome sir, please remember to replace this seat when you've finished".

If men try to use the ridiculous argument that runs something like "why can't YOu put it down? It's my toilet too", ask him in which position he has the seat when expelling solids. Add the time he spends doing that to the time you spend there, and you'll have only about 10% of the toilet's daily use being him using it with the seat up.

So sitting wins every time. Your partner won't have a leg left to stand on.

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