by Robin Tidwell

Created on: October 05, 2008   Last Updated: October 13, 2008

My husband and I have been married nearly twelve years. We haven't had any problems to speak of during most of that time and, considering we have five children, that's probably saying a great deal. There are days that I wonder if we need marriage counseling; when things seem a bit "off" or something appears to be missing. Marriage, like many things, has its ups and downs and usually it's a matter of weathering those downtimes and waiting for things to improve.

Pastoral counseling can sometimes be blind to the underlying causes and concerns, and couples can get lost in the literal translations of their faith as well as exhortations to continue the marriage based on "till death do us part". More generic types of Christian counseling by a licensed professional usually delve more deeply into reasons and causes and provide more concrete ways in which to repair the marriage.

Typical marriage counseling, the secular version, works much like Christian counseling but naturally is not faith-based. Initially, the first session is composed of the counselor and counselees getting to know one another and individual communication styles; this progresses into the issues which have brought the couple into counseling, history, and often a period of recrimination on both parties' sides. Eventually the counselor can determine best how to help the couple and even assign "homework" to be completed outside the counseling sessions. The goal is twofold: to save the marriage, and to strengthen the relationship by giving the couple different and new options on which to rebuild that relationship.

Costs and fees associated with marriage counseling can vary widely; often insurance will cover at least a portion of the cost. Typically the couple attends weekly sessions for about an hour each time. This can range from about $50 to $150 per hour. Often counselors have a sliding scale based on income, and most of the time pastoral counseling is free.

Since we are rapidly becoming more and more of an Internet society, the natural progression as it relates to marital counseling could possibly be an online forum. There are many drawbacks to this type of counseling for a couple, not the least of which is that both parties would almost necessarily have to be on separate computers. A private chat room situation may be viable; an email format could be considered.

Many individuals also take advantage of message boards and group membership to obtain free (also sometimes questionable) advice on dealing with problems related to marriage and family. Often these types of communication provide support and encouragement and deeper thought, and allow the individual to do significant self-improvement work without the added component of professional counseling. These can also offer advice from those who have dealt with the same or similar issues and overcame them.

A very important part of any type of counseling, however, is the face-to-face aspect, the addition of body language, the nuance of the spoken word, and of course, if one lacks typing skills the conversation can certainly lag.

All couples have particular issues to work through and resolve, but many are more unique or more serious - at least from an outsider's point of view. Most of these problems are not new to the arena of marriage, but often one feels quite isolated and must delve into personal reasons in order to first heal himself. An individual must become open to learning and doing and perhaps engaging in self-introspection prior to attempting to heal the marriage.

Learn more about this author, Robin Tidwell.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.