by JJ

Created on: October 05, 2008

REGRETS! They eat you alive! Chew you up and spit you out, or if you're to their tastes, they swallow you whole. The fang of regret is sharp and piercing, stinging, stabbing through the hardest heart; evil poisonous venom courses from the Fang and pumps through the blood. Slow and steady at first, pump-pump, blending with the rhythm of the heart, then speedy and sporadic; Racing through the veins to the nethermost parts of the body. From the affected heart (can one even call it that anymore?) down to the last toe;no area is safe. Regret kills every ambition and desire; poisons every thoughtnullifies every action. Its Fang reaches through the heart, up to the brain,venomizing all memory, tainting them with its foul taste.

Today is the first day of the future, and yet, it is the last day of the past. Past, Future; they are forever mingled. Sometimes there is no definition between the two. The future is a clean slate'. But the condition of that slate is determined by the past. My slate is broken, cracked, small, with a small stub of chalk to write a short, undecipherable story, the value of which is nill. What's the point? When will I find out? What I'm mentally capable of, I'm not physically capable of. Sometimes there is no changing the future. Though the past seems like a different, separate lifetime, I just gotta accept that I decided my fate at 13.* lost opportunityREGRETS!

Haunted by the failure, wishing to confess to others but not wanting them to know. Misjudged. Annoyed. Closest friend a cat! Mourning and weeping; howling if possible. Then comes the GUILTfrom the self pity. Guilt- bleeding, mutilating! Too much to bear-SO I IGNORE IT!

I found this writing of mine today in one of my old note taking books. I wrote this almost 2 years ago. What a jump into the past to read this! What a strange journey into my mind! I'm so different nowI feel so different now! Then I felt like I was in a black hole, with no out. But now I'm just happy despite my faults. I have changed so much in these years. Thank goodness for that! I recognize my mistakes of the past, and I'm letting go of them. I'm learning how to live day to day and make the most of it. I'm happy, I'm happy! Life is still difficult, busy, and stressful, but I know my strength, and I can do it! How wonderful!

*written here were some of the things I had done that I regretted, that I have omitted for this submission

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