A woman's purse is a magical mystical place, a place which defies everything physicists have taught us about space and time. A woman's purse is capable of carrying much more on than its exterior would have you believe, if you put something in a woman's purse chances are you won't find it for days. That is because a woman's purse is actually the back door into Narnia. Occasionally, if you watch closely as a woman searches to find her cell phone you may see her pause for a minute to wrestle with a Goblin, she has to use her car keys to beat it back into submission. That's why a woman always looks flustered when she's rooting around in her bag trying to find something.
In my purse I have all manner of things that I will never use, keys for doors I don't own anymore, cinema tickets from films I saw in 2004 and three week old shopping lists, because you never know when someone might ask you when someone might ask you when you last bought toilet cleaner. Just to make matters more interesting I also have a wallet that pops open every couple of hours spilling its contents around the various pockets of my bag. Every month or so when I'm feeling a little short on cash I do a major clear-out, tipping the entire contents of my bag onto a flat surface and reaping the sometimes hefty rewards.
I think the Goblin in my purse keeps running off with things; he seems to know when I want things and runs with it to the opposite side of the purse. There are many times I've stood outside my place of work at home time desperately searching for my car keys. I can hear the little monster running round with my car keys deep inside the bag, they jingle in my purse as I shake it but when I'm digging in my bag it's as though they have disappeared.
The most alarming things inside a woman's purse are the emergency products hidden deep within the bag that really should have been thrown away decades ago; but are kept "just in case": There's an emergency lipstick that's been trapped in the bag so long it can't stop sweating, it was her favorite color when she was seventeen but now makes her look a little bit like she's a drag queen. Match this with the lumpy mascara and the lime green eye-shadow and it's a nightmare waiting to happen. There's also the little bottle perfume that smelt of beautiful meadows back in 1987 but now smells like an extremely foisty compost heap. Yes, there are some things inside a woman's purse that even the Goblin does not want to steal!