by Christine O'Callaghan

Created on: October 03, 2008

OLDER BUT WISER: TIPS FOR MIDLIFE MOMS

Enrolling my first child in preschool as I turned 40 didn't phase me. Sure, most of the other moms were younger than me, but thanks to a Methuselah gene and an irreverent sense of humor, only my hairdresser knew. Despite my "advanced maternal age" (couldn't the medical profession think of a less insulting term to write in my chart?), I was able to keep up with my active son and with the 20 and 30-something moms of his classmates.

Fast forward 10 years, to my six-year-old daughter announcing my 50th birthday to her kindergarten class. And to her after-school art class. And to anyone at the restaurant who would listen. I should have been embarrassed, but I was too busy enjoying the gaping jaws of strangers and acquaintances. Reflecting on the evening later, I realized that despite the bewildering and occasionally exhausting nature of midlife parenting, I'd inadvertently discovered my own fountain of youth. While my contemporaries were becoming grandparents, I was aging in reverse.

Whether you're an older first-time mom, a veteran of many pregnancies, or you're just considering becoming one of the tens of thousands of women who give birth in their forties each year, follow these "rules" and you'll be the youngest mom in town. (At least until your child spills the beans.)

GET HELP

We're all aware of the importance of help in the postpartum period; there's nothing more demoralizing than the realization that, once again, it's dusk and you haven't showered, changed out of sweats, or given even a passing thought to dinner. While many women are tempted to cut back on help after the fog of infancy has lifted, the truth is that you may need more help to get you through the years that follow. Your body will begin wreaking havoc at about the same time as your toddler, so any relief from the unrelenting demands of this period should be embraced. Childcare is a particularly wise investment during these years; the rewards for both parties are enormous.

LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS (AND YOUR STANDARDS)

Yes, you excelled in your professional sphere, or you were an Olympic athlete, or you're a perfectionist and a speed reader and want to do everything according to parenting experts. Trying to apply the same standards to a round-the-clock job with no immediately measurable objectives will get you a one-way express ticket to psychotherapy. Surviving 18 years of parenting (at a minimum, given today's trend toward boomerang children) requires pacing oneself.

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