by Sarah Wilson

Created on: October 03, 2008   Last Updated: March 21, 2010

As a victim of domestic violence who did walk away I had to come out on this side. However it was not an easy decision to make and the debate title is a difficult one. An abuser will try every trick int he book to keep you with him and will apologise profusely each time an abuse has occurred. He is likely to confuse his victim and strip her of her self esteem making it that much more difficult to walk away.

However, it is always better to walk away even if it is not easier.

By staying in the relationship the abuser is given a green light to continue the violence. He is not brought to book for his offenses and the abuse will only continue. It is likely that violence will increase with each time the victim stays.

Domestic violence is a hidden crime, occurring in far too many families. By remaining in the household the victim is harming not only herself but any children in the family. It is only too common for children in abusive households to become withdrawn and unhappy or even worse to go on to abuse themselves.

In order to break the abusive cycle, the only way is to leave. Only then can the abuser face his problem and seek help and for children to be brought up in a non abusive family, learning to love and be loved without the threat of violence.

I understand how hard it is to leave a man who says that he will never do it again and that he is deeply sorry. I understand the fear that exists in a woman as she tries not to push the buttons which begin the abuse. It is not living to dance on egg shells around an abusive partner. It is existence. Women - and men- deserve more. The only chance of a life without fear and pain is to leave, no matter how hard this may be.

Abuse of any kind is a crime and by allowing domestic violence to continue in our homes we are condoning that violence. It is impossible to deal with crime outside the home if we do not first make an attempt to stop violence within it.

There is help available for a victim of violence. But you have to want to find it. It is no use wishing that things would get better. The hardest thing of all is to make the decision that you deserve better than the life you are living. Once the decision is made, you are free to start living the rest of your life.

Experience tells me that only when you have left a violent situation can you begin to discover who you really are and start to love and take care of yourself.

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