by April Fox

Created on: October 03, 2008   Last Updated: October 05, 2008

Kurt Cobain said it best himself: "I'm revered and hated..." You have to wonder if he realized how far-reaching that reverence and hate would become, especially after his death.

Just a few years before his legendary rise and fall, Cobain was a janitor (when he worked), tagging along with iconic punk band The Melvins, and living in a shabby house with a bathtub full of turtles in the middle of the living room. He didn't have much interest in anything but music and art, and poured all of his energy into becoming a rock star. Unfortunately, Cobain saw only the glamour and fun involved with hitting the big time, and didn't realize how badly fame would affect him.

The manic-depressive Cobain was fine with the idea of playing music for a living, and of finally proving to the world that he could do something, wasn't just a loser kid with grungy hair and skinny legs. When everything was good, he wrote letters to record labels begging for a chance to cut a demo tape, talked with his friends about what a great success he was going to be, and clowned for the cameras like a hyperactive child, which he still was, in a way. When things were bad, though, and the depression struck, he just wanted to be left alone.

In nearly constant physical and mental pain, Cobain turned to heroin. None of the doctors he had seen over the years had been able to do anything to ease his pain, which at times was so bad that he couldn't eat and was vomiting on a daily basis. He hated his junkie status, which became yet another thing to add to his lengthening list of things he despised about himself. He was too skinny, and hid under layers of sweatpants, jeans, flannel shirts and old-man cardigans. He was awkward around girls. He was lazy and unmotivated, except when it came to his music. And now, he was just another heroin junkie, something he claimed he'd never become.

Cobain's self-loathing was evident in many of his songs, as were his sense of humor and his fascination with things like fetuses and abortion. He was a twisted little guy, no doubt about it, but at the same time, brilliant and far too sensitive for his own good. For Kurt Cobain, life was painful, and no amount of love and adoration could take that away. Eventually, it became too much for him, and on April 5, 1994 he injected himself with a massive amount of heroin and blew off the back of his head with a shotgun.

Kurt Loder broke the news on MTV, and in that moment, everyone became fans of Cobain's infamous band, Nirvana. Kids who

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