Music is my life. It was my life. A year ago, you wouldn't have recognized me if I didn't have my iPod hanging out of my pocket. A year ago, a lot of things were different. But on November 28, 2007, I had a problem. As I walked across campus, my thumb whirled around on the touch wheel, desperately searching for something good. I tried song after song, but nothing seemed right. I had almost reached my destination, and I still hadn't found it.

Finally, after going through everything twice, I found something I could settle on. But I still couldn't pull myself from the funk the whole ordeal had thrown me into. I didn't know why. That was when I became burdened with that overwhelming feeling that something terrible was going to happen.

I just couldn't shake it. On Dec. 2, I called my parents. They were getting ready to go on a cruise with some other family members. Too close to finals, I decided to stay behind. We weren't on the phone very long, but it was to be expected. They were tired from the drive from North Carolina to Florida, and they had to leave early to catch their boat. I didn't know why, but I didn't want to hang up. Reluctantly, though, I did.

Monday night, I fought back the urge to phone again. Twice I flipped open my cell phone, ready to press speed dial 4 + talk: Dad I.C.E. (in case of emergency). He always had his phone on him. Maybe he would have service, I wondered. But I talked myself out it. They probably didn't have signal anyway.

Now, I wish to God that I had at least tried, though I know I wouldn't have gotten my goodbye. We didn't even know it was coming.

The rest of that Monday night was crap. I felt awful. Like something was wrong. Like something was missing. I stayed up until 6 a.m. reading. At that point, I looked up at my clock and thought to myself, "Wow, I'm getting ready to go to bed, and my parents are probably getting up about now. Well, my mom probably is dad's probably still sleeping," I added as an afterthought. And I went to sleep.

At 11 a.m. on Tuesday December 4, 2007 the cheap, neon blue phone I had purchased years ago, rang its annoying little ring, a ring that since has sent my heart racing every time I've heard it. I was being called down to the front office of my dorm. I knew something was wrong, but I tried to talk myself down. "I swear to God, if that cruise ship tipped over" I threatened. I didn't even know if that was possible, but I was ready to act if it was.

I got into the office,

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