by Lois Rayburn

Created on: October 02, 2008   Last Updated: April 25, 2011

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Domestic violence is a common occurrence in many households today. You can pick any house in any neighborhood in any city of any country or nation and you will find spousal abuse. In spite of increased public awareness of the problem and intense community outreach and education, the problem continues to escalate. As Time Magazine reported in their July 1994 issue (pg. 26-33), battered women's shelters daily turn away victims because of lack of space. It would appear that the American family is under attack, not just from violence on the street, but from within our own four walls.

Violence within our homes can become an accepted standard for family members when we grow up with it as children. According to Risk-Markers of Men Who Batter, featured in the July 1994 issue of Time Magazine, the rate of abuse is higher if you've grown up around it. The cycle oftentimes begins as a child where the seed of violence is planted. Those who later become abusers often saw their parents hurting each other and carried their own terror, anger and fear in their hearts. When their world widened as they grew, with school, church, and friends, they began to realize that not everyone lived like they did. They noticed that not everyone carried around secrets and scars - that not everyone shared the emotional pain they lived with on a daily basis. Too afraid to share their pain and not knowing how - or who - to reach out to, they became friends with our secret, trying to shove it into the far recesses of their minds, trying to live normally (during the times normality exists) until the next episode occurred. They learned to look out for each other - their siblings that is - and if they were the oldest child, they often took on the role of parent to the younger kids. They grew up too fast and childhood innocence and trust were too often replaced by adult responsibilities of protection, security, and safety for each other. They loved their parents, but were afraid of the abusing parent. They watched their every step around him. They were cautious of what they did and what they said, trying hard not to provoke any emotions that could lead to another fight. When they were witnesses to the abuse, they learned fast that their screams and pleas did not bring an end to the horror, that they couldn't stop him from hitting and hurting our mom. They knew they were too young and too small to fight back effectively. They loved their mother and feared for her, as well as for themselves.

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