Greedy Gran's Ginormous Gooseberry Flan
You've never met anyone like my nan,
She's not like anyone else's gran,
She eats and she eats lorry loads of flan.
Mounds of pizza, and buckets of chips,
Towers of cakes, and lakes full of dips,
Mountains of burgers, and icebergs of whips.
One day she decided to make gooseberry flan,
So she sat and made a green berry flan plan.
She went to the market to buy some green berries,
But only found strawberries, raspberries, and cherries,
And only one lonely, lonely green berry.
So off to the farm she went to buy more,
To see what the farmer kept in his store,
But there in the shed she found only four.
Five little berries weren't enough for my nan,
Well not for the flan that she had in her plan.
Off to the neighbour she went for a nag,
To see what berries she could get from the hag,
And she managed to wheedle one little bag.
Then round all the neighbours she trudged to find more,
To see what the neighbours kept in their store,
And there in their pantries she found another four.
But five little bags weren't enough for my nan,
Well not for the flan that she had in her plan.
.
So to the next town she trudged without fail,
And managed to find in a shop there on sale,
Enough green berries to fill up a pail.
In local towns she searched for some more,
To see what the townsfolk kept in their store,
And managed to fill to the brim another four.
But five little pails weren't enough for my gran,
Least not for the flan that she had in her plan.
Throughout the county she used all of her pluck,
And managed to fill with a whole lot of luck,
Not a bag, not a pail, but the back of a truck.
All through the country she searched for some more,
To see what the people kept in their store,
And managed to fill to the brim another four.
Finally this was enough for my gran,
Finally she had enough for the flan in her plan.
And then she began to put together her flan,
Adding more and more gooseberries to the flan in her pan,
Till it was as big as the size of a man.
Then bigger than a car, than a bus, than a tram!
And finally the ginormous gooseberry flan,
Was big enough for greedy old gran.
So she watched and she admired the flan from her plan,
She watched and admired it did old greedy gran.
And when she sat down in her hand was a spoon,
And she ate through the morning, she ate through the noon, And she sat and she ate till no more was there room.
But she carried on eating, she just couldn't stop,
Her mouth on the flan with a slop, slop, slop,
She ate and she ate till you'd think she would pop.
And she ate, and she ate the flan from her plan,
Till every mouthful, every gooseberry were all inside gran,
As she put down her spoon, she began to turn green,
Her skin shone with a weird sick-looking sheen,
And soon she was the greenest woman you've seen.
Her body grew big, so big and round,
That her buttons popped off with a pop, pop, pop sound,
And never again were to be found.
But this isn't the flan that I had in my plan,
This isn't right', thought greedy old gran.
And then from her skin out leapt a hair,
And suddenly fifty more were there,
Poor greedy old gran, she got quite a scare.
So off to the Doc we went with my nan,
To try to get rid of that hairy green tan,
And see what he thought of old gooseberry gran.
But who would have thought all this from a flan,
Who could have imagined what would happen to gran?
But the doctor didn't know what to do,
As he heard the story his confusion grew,
So he called in his colleagues to examine her too.
Twenty doctors stood around scratching their heads,
As they looked at the gooseberry who lay on the bed,
How strange! How Bizarre! How confusing! They said.
What a fuss was caused by old, greedy gran,
By gran and the flan that she had in her plan.
But the doctors couldn't decide what course to pursue,
So they poked her, prodded her, and examined her poo,
They weighed her, measured her, and tested for flu.
And finally they ran out of tests to run,
There was simply nothing that could be done,
So they sent her home with me and my mum.
These days there are no more flans in her plans,
She's much less greedy is old gooseberry gran.
There are no mounds of pizza, nor buckets of chips,
No towers of cakes, nor lakes full of dips,
No mountains of burgers, or icebergs of whips.
See you've never met anyone like my nan,
She's not like anyone else's gran,
She's green, and she's round and she's terrified of flan!