by Shaun Luehring

Created on: October 02, 2008

"You and Your Father" - the punch line made her numb. She felt degraded, angered, afraid, and blank all at the same time. Since her friends were laughing she just wanted to leave, but didn't know where to turn. So for the next month she simply remained quiet as the jokes continued and even gained in intensity. The harassment of this 12 year old girl stopped eventually, when the "joker" was suspended from school.

So when is a joke not funny?
When wasn't it funny to her?

I'm not trying to be an alarmist. Certainly every child who heard an adult joke won't be harassing others. However I can say with complete certainty that situations very similar to these happen each and every day in our elementary, middle and high schools. I'm a grade school principal.

It is simply not acceptable for parents to tell, justify, or promote adult jokes to children.

Conversations about gender and sex are extremely important responsibilities of parents - especially in a day and age where sexuality is promoted at very young ages. Jokes, however, are not conversations. What they gain in entertainment they loose in relationships and understanding. They will never teach children how to interact with the opposite sex or how develop good relationships. Their goal is different.

Parents have huge responsibility when it comes to their children. They are models for what they want their children to become in every way. Have you ever talked to your child only to have it repeated to you at a later, less appropriate time? Children are growing; they don't have adult minds to completely analyze every situation. Their frontal lobe, which is responsible for their decision making, will be developing into their 20's. Tweens and Teens tend to think in very concrete ways, so when they are told jokes are okay they tend to believe them to be appropriate in all situations.

So, when is a joke not funny? I don't want my daughter to date or even to be around a boy that believes sex is first and foremost a joke. So instead of sharing jokes with your children share time in the following:

*Talk to your children about the difference between girls and boys at a young age. (Age 3-6)

*Discuss "where babies come from" and specifically how procreation happens (Age 5-10)

*Get to know your child's friends. Help them determine how best to build solid relationships and when they should be careful.

*Discuss dating numerous times and what is appropriate before they are allowed to date.

*When a dirty joke comes home or is shared in the presence of your child discuss it. Better yet, explain to them that some jokes aren't appropriate for anyone regardless of their age.

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