by Michael Swain

Created on: October 01, 2008

A wise man once told me that some friends are for a week, some for a season, and some for a lifetime. I think this pretty much sums up the answer to this question: is friendship disposable? Well yes, it can be, often it should be, and sometimes it really should not be. the difficulty comes is knowing the difference. Not recognising that a friend was for a season only can result in heartbreak, massive guilt trips and ultimately bad blood, bitchiness and bust ups.

The more friendships I make, the more I realise that each one is its own person. Each friendship has a personality and set of rules all to itself. In fact the person I regard as my best friend (besides my wife) is a guy I don't see more than a couple of times a year, rarely text, never call, forget often and who forgets me as much if not more. He has his own circle of friends, i have mine, he lives about 120 miles away and he has yet to come and visit me since I moved house.

I love meeting up with him. My wife and I both love his company and can be completely at ease around him. It doesn't matter that we drift in and out of contact. We grew up together, he knows me better than almost anyone and he gets me: and its a mutual feeling.

I have another friend who calls himself my best friend. I see and hear from him about the same if not less, he rarely returns my texts, and it really winds me up. The friendship is only strong when he needs something and while I am happy to listen to him talk about his life, he rarely takes an interest in mine. In fact I am usually left feeling that I am just not very interesting. We too can pick up and leave off with our friendship but I do resent the lack of interest he shows. I imagine we shall remain friends a long time but eventually we may drift apart. The desire for friendship is not strong enough for us to put in the effort.

My wife has a friend with whom she was very close before she went off to uni, and whom she thought they had a friends-for-life relationship. But her friend's inability to keep up communications has led to things being weird between them. Each blames the otehr and now the friend just ignores her. This friendship seemed like a lifetime bond, but it was for a season.

Most friendships are. Humans don't like change and it can be difficult to accept that something that seemed wonderful has altered irretrievably. Its important that we don't treat our friends too lightly - that we give them the proper respect and time taht they deserve - but it's also important to recognise when things are drifting on, moving apart, and not cling too tightly to people we can't control.

There are many people of whom I have fond memories despite the fact that I have long since lost communication with them. These are my disposable friends - i have the greatest respect for them, but there is no room in my life for them, nor in theirs for me.

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