by Heather Jones

Created on: October 01, 2008   Last Updated: October 02, 2008

I just can not believe you are gone. Six years later and I still can not grasp the truth. I would beg for you to

come back,but I know it would be for naught. At your awake,everyone was there.Your brother was on his knees begging for this

not to be real. There were rosses everywhere, your killer even sent you some! Our childhood memories posted on paper. Photos

of you everywhere flooded the room.Your body stretched out in a pretty box with many roses engraved. So much makeup

covered your

skin in hopes to cover up the wounds.

Yet I could not, would not believe you were gone. I sat there in a chair,not far from the

box that held your body,emotionless. Not one tear. You were coming back, I knew it! This was fake. Even at your funeral,i still

had not grasped the concept that this was real. But this was real.When the coffin cover closed,I felt as if I could not breathe!I

wanted to yell,"the joke is over now!Get out of there!" Of course I didn't. I knew better. It was my birthday and all I got was to

watch you go deeper in the ground. I know this is real.I got to tell you though.I am mad,in many ways I blame you still. I know

he shot you. I do know that he took your life.For that I hate him. But dear cousin, I fear that your life led you to that road.

Drugs,partying,worthless men,and now look,I am all alone!

Yes, he went to prison for a sentence of 35 years. He can get out on

good behavior in fifteen. You see,my dear,your dad could not take the pain.He did not fight for first degree,in fear of your

name getting pulled through the dirt! They say God took you home and that you are at peace now. I know I should take solace

in that fact.Maybe someday I will learn how,but for now I still miss you. I do know that one day when he meets his maker,he will

pay dearly for taking you away. I only wish that day would show up quicker. Your headstone brags a beautiful photo of you and a

candle lit. Many tears were shed for you that day and so many days after. I spent so many days wondering how things could

have been different. I wonder would you be here now with me. Indeed I wonder who would have the biggest chico stick. So much

laughter back then. And all I am left with are memories. The truth is the day he chose to shoot you in the heart, he also shot

mine.

Since then, I have come to accept the truth. I know now that you are truly gone. You are not coming back. For so long I have

held on to my fantasy. It held me together for a bit. Well, I must go, but please know we will meet again.

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