by Sara Bernardo

Created on: October 01, 2008

I've discovered something today.
I am scared to cry.
I want to- I want to everyday
But I'm scared to let people know that emotion is ruling my life
That I want to pray for someone but I can't
Because I don't believe in god.
I have no one to pray to.
so instead I fight with my mother,
Who believes in god
I think I envy her sometimes for her belief
Because I wish I could believe in something
But god doesn't just appear
He doesn't come one day after seventeen years of non existence
I wish I could look up and know that he was there
watching me,
Watching my aunt
Smiling down and casting a glance to her
While she lay in bed
Waiting to die because her body doesn't work anymore
Machines are breathing for her now
Because she has stopped breathing on her own
I wonder if death is better
If it is less painful than her life
And I know it is
It is selfish to cast death away
Because we don't want her to go
It is selfish to leave her hooked up to machines
That live for her when she cannot
But I am afraid to let anyone know what I feel
Because it is not what they feel
Who is right I cannot say
Maybe them
Maybe me.
So I cry inside constantly
Letting no one in.

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