Do you ever get over the death of a friend? I am not sure, as it has now been 9 months since one of my closest friends passed away and it's not getting any easier yet. We can say it was prematurely, but I guess it really wasn't considering the state of his heart. He was only 34.

He has been a friend for about 15 years, and we always kept in contact, although he would go away working on drilling rigs from time to time, but we would always catch up when he got back.

A break up with a girlfriend sent him spiralling out of control a few years ago. He began drinking heavily, doing small amounts of drugs, not eating properly and generally not looking after himself. He became a hermit and spent hours alone playing computer games, watching television and movies, only going out to go to work and to get supplies.

I found this disturbing, because he had always been a happy guy, joking all the time and his eyes would sparkle when he was being cheeky! He used to socialize all the time, but he seemed to have lost his spark, so I set about trying to help him get it back, so he could go out and find another girlfriend. He wasn't going to find her at his place!

I listened to him; I invited him to our place, and took him to other peoples places. I lifted his confidence when he was low and blaming himself for the breakup of his relationship. I had him over for dinner, let him get close to my children, showed him how to cook easy healthy meals for himself, so he would stop buying takeaways when he ate. He joined us for Christmas dinner several years running. I took him shopping and got him to buy new clothes as his were pretty shabby looking from outdoor work. I got him to tidy up his shaggy beard, wash his hair more, clean up his apartment, stop drinking so much, lay off the drugs and get some more confidence, with a view to finding another girlfriend.

I constantly turned his bad moods and hate for those who hurt him into a "you are better than them" session, and got him to look at things in a different light. I got him to contact his father, who he looked up to so much, but was afraid to contact because he felt like a failure. This started a lovely relationship happening all over again, and he and his dad worked on his new ute together, a time which I know he really cherished. He also got to see his grandmother again. He had been avoiding his family, because he thought they all had something against him because his relationship had failed, and he had not been the perfect

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