by Donna Walser

Created on: September 30, 2008   Last Updated: October 11, 2008

"Our marriage isn't working!" That could be the title of the marriage counselor's handbook. That phrase encompasses a number of different reasons why couples seek marriage counseling and it's usually said as the wife or husband had decided that the marriage is over. This could be for a number of reasons, broken bonds, stress within the relationship caused by infidelity or unemployment.

Marriage counseling is not a last ditch attempt to save a relationship, it is something that should be considered very early in a marriage, or even before. Many Christian marriage counsellors will meet with the couple prior to their wedding ceremony, as a means of preparation for the life of newly weds and beyond. The Christian counsellor will encourage the couple to discuss their hopes and dreams for married life and help them to adapt to life as a couple instead of two individuals, using faith and the Bible as the cornerstone.

The same service is also provided by non Christian marriage counselors. After all, the basic principle is to help a couple develop strategies for those times when it is worse. It cannot be stressed enough that both partners must be willing to enter into the counseling situation, and neither must consider their presence there as failure. Both must be prepared to be honest about their relationship and it can be very painful in the short term to hear unspoken truths. Marriage counseling is not a quick fix, it demands a lot of time and emotional energy. For this reason marriage counseling is not suitable for everyone. It can be difficult to be open and honest with a counselor for some people.

When the problem in the marriage concerns children, it may be wise to consult a marriage and family counselor who is trained to deal with parenting issues as well as relationships.

Choosing a marriage counselor can be extremely difficult. A personal recommendation of a counselor is advisable, yet not always possible. A qualified, licensed marriage counselor is essential, as is meeting with the chosen counselor before counseling begins. It is imperative that both partners are comfortable with the counselor.

If meeting face to face with a marriage counselor appears to be too threatening, there is the option of online marriage counseling. A quick internet search will give a long list of online marriage counseling services, however caution needs to be taken for scams. Use the same basic rules for choosing an online counseling service as face to face.

The cost of marriage counseling does vary enormously. Online marriage counseling has been shown to be the cheapest, office visits to marriage counselors range from $45 to $200 an hour.

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