by Ginger Voight

Created on: September 30, 2008   Last Updated: May 07, 2010

I find it interesting that many people think if you fall in love with your best friend, it's some sort of added bonus. For me, I think it's a requirement. When you fall in love or when you make a friend, you're looking for a lot of the same qualities. You want someone to trust. You want someone whose company you enjoy. You want someone you can confide in, laugh with and share more than just a casual acquaintance.

If you're lucky, either of these relationships should span large chunks of your lifetime.

The only difference is with a lover you want that added spark, the chemistry that makes your heart skip a beat.

The problem is so many people confuse that chemistry with the essential friendship that comes with everything else that makes a relationship strong. They mistake the spark for that slow burning flame of true intimacy. This explains why so many relationships fail, because as with all sparks if it doesn't actually catch on something it simply fades away.

If you put the friendship before the spark, then it has something to sustain it.

You're lighting a candle, rather than a match.

When you meet someone whose interests mirror your own, someone who can make you laugh or make you think, challenge you and make you grow (like all good friends do), then the spark of sexual chemistry actually heightens all the other benefits of your relationship.

I was fortunate enough to marry my best friend. I enjoy spending time with him. He's one of the funniest and smartest people I know, and I know I can tell him anything at all without worrying he'd think poorly of me, or that our relationship would suffer. That makes the time we spend together a cherished gift, whether intimate or not.

Because of that, the spark is still there. A decade later, I still get excited when I know I'm going to see him. I still want to spend time with him, doing everything or nothing at all. He's still the first one I want to call when I've had a really bad day... or a really good one.

When I look to the future, I'm excited that he's going to be there with me. There's no reason he shouldn't - as we have grown together by benefit of sharing this closest of friendships. I can't imagine one person in the world I'd rather wake up to each morning, go to bed with each night... or laugh with every single day.

He's more than a lover. He's my very best friend.

I've heard it said that love is what happens when a friendship catches fire.

From experience I can say we should all be so lucky.

Learn more about this author, Ginger Voight.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.