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Bi-polar Disorder: A Real Nightmare.

It would be terribly convenient for my severe bi-polar disorder to be only an excuse. My loved ones and myself appreciate an end to this nightmare , but it only ends for brief periods. Most likely, however, this illness is over-diagnosed. I know many people who have this illness and they have very few symptoms or difficulties. I am an extreme case with rapid-cycling and psychotic tendencies.

The disease of bi-polar, also known as manic-depression, is very real and can be very dangerous. Combined with substance abuse, bipolar disorder can also be deadly. I would never wish for any potential victim discover the reality of this disease in any disasterous manner.

My childhood was perfect. I was very loved and nurtured and cared for. No abuses whatsoever. As I approached adolescence, I had trouble with my mind racing. This is a very common symptom of mania. I did not know what was wrong with me and did not know how to communicate it to my parents. I suffered for years and would pound on my head with my knuckles until I was numb so that my brain would slow down. At the age of 15 I discovered alcohol which miraculously slowed my mind. I then began what is called "self-medicating."

Bi-polar disorder is not typically diagnosed during adolescence, but rather during early adulthood. It can also be misdiagnosed with scizophrenia. Since my condition was not addressed during my teenage years I do not know what might have been considered wrong with me then. I only know that my parents, primarily my mother, complained continually about my moodiness and they were often quite worried about me. My moods would rapidly change from happy to sad to angry to violent to suicidal. These changes can occur with me many times in one day or over several days. I never went an entire month without some type of drastic mood change, most of them happening at the snap of a finger that even I could not explain.

I have suffered this illness for approximately 30 years but have only been diagnosed, and medicated intermittently, for ten years. Throughout dozens of medication combination changes and counseling I have had periods of what seemed like an entire healing of my brain chemical balance. Sometimes I seemed healed for months then my medication would stop working or just one out of the combination quit working and me and the doctor would have to start all over. This process usually takes months of misery to straighten out. The moments of feeling "healed" are quite

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