A letter from a friend
Is falling in love really that easy? I feel like I am a thief in the night. I steal hearts while I sleep and pilfer glances at the corner of my eyes. I cannot allow anyone to see me or know that I might be fascinated by their physical appearance or their tender personality. They might decide to pursue me only to find out that I am not available to them. I do not have the freedom to enjoy one of the most precious gifts from Godlove. For I have not given myself the opportunity to fall in love and because I am afraid of what it might bring.
It is a price I must pay. More importantly, it is the life I chose. I have disallowed anyone from getting to know me. A relationship with anyone from the opposite sex could only be as friends because I refuse to let them in. This is my choice because in my mind, it will save me from the hurt and pain of life and love. I have control of everything in my world and sometimes I like it that way.
I engage in watching others around me love, fall out of love and then love again. I envy their vigor to love and then lose that love but turn right around and love again. I know that enthusiasm they feel; but only in my business. For years my motto was, "I can do anything I want to do." Today, I realized differently. I cannot fall in love, or I should probably say, "I will not allow myself to fall in love." It is too hard.
There are times when I watch television and I see couples enjoying each other's company and I yearn for their feeling. I cry myself to sleep sometimes wishing I had someone to hold me, to kiss me and just tell me that I am special to them. I want to be that person that matters the most to someone in the world. I want to see fireworks when we kiss, feel the tingle in my body when we hold hands, I want to feel my heart race when I think of the presence of that special person. But how can I ever have those feelings if I cannot even let my guard down?
I have everything I ever want in life, except..someone to share it with. Not to say I do not have family and friends, because I do. I have great friends and a loving family but it is hard for me to tell a person's motive for wanting to be around me. I am suspicious of everyone.I have been hurt and although the hurt happened many years ago, I can feel it as if it were an hour ago.
How do I let my guard down, how do I allow someone in to learn everything about me? Will they accept our differences or will they point out my flaws everyday? How does love feel? Is it the feeling you get after winning a game? How long does it last? Will you just wake up one day and decide not to love anymore or can the other person just take their love away from you with out your consent?
Your friend
My answer ..
To be able to love someone, you must first love yourself. You must also free yourself of the past. In every aspect of our life, we can either love something or someone or fear them. Meaning, if you shut yourself down, you allow fear to take control but by accepting the moment and the experience, you will embrace the feeling of love.
Love is not something you look for because you want to feel better about yourself nor is it a rainbow colored substance that tastes like sugar. When you chose love, you chose to accept everything as is. Somewhat like the torn dress which was marked down and placed on the sale rack which reads "as-is."
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
You will sometimes get hurt because love comes with no guarantee. You will cry sometimes and then other times you will laugh. Just remember that love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand. Anyone may gather it and no limit is set.