by Chris Humpherys

Created on: September 30, 2008

I got a call today from an old friend who was in a bind. He currently lives out west, but used to work with me here in Gainesville back in the day. He called to tell me that he recently tried to renew his drivers license, but was flagged for failure to pay child support, even though he hasn't legally been required to pay it for years. His kid's all grown up. Glitch in the system.

Anyway, as he's in Irvine, California, home of the Anteaters, and I'm in Gainesville, home of the one-loss Florida Gators, he needed someone to run to a local Department of Motor Vehicles - everybody's favorite place to visit - and pay a $47.50 fine for him so that he could reinstate his license. Clearly a pain in the rear, but as I had nothing to do this afternoon but pretend the Florida-Ole Miss game never happened, I figured what the heck. A friend in need is a friend DMV'ed.

So I'm at the DMV, waiting the obligatory forty-five minutes to an hour before my number is called, when suddenly a great looking, blonde-haired, blue-eyed college girl walks into the place to renew her license. Keep in mind, this is Gainesville, Florida; such sights are not uncommon. Contrary to popular belief, girls DO in fact grow on trees here. Or at least they arrive by the boatload every passing semester.

Upon viewing said college girl, the middle-aged gentleman behind the counter, who had taken his good old time coming back from his break, acted as if he had never seen a female before, or if he had, it had been a very long time. His trainee, maybe in his mid-twenties and not totally un-presentable, stood there staring, tongue hanging well out of his mouth. I kept wanting to tell the guy to blink and snap out of it. The senior employee, in all likelihood older than this girl's father, looked a lot like J.K. Simmons, best known for his role of J Jonah Jameson in the Spiderman movies. Trust me, this girl was out of Tobey Maguire's league, so there was no way Jonah was getting a piece. The only way, shape or form a girl of this stature would ever even entertain the idea of talking to a guy like this would be if he worked at the DMV and she needed to renew her license. I mean, it's not like he's Houston Nutt who can apparently do anything he wants to in Gainesville these days.

He soon started to pour on the DMV charm sickeningly thick, as if to say to his trainee, "Look, bra, I got this," all the while wearing his wedding ring. He commented on her smile as he took her drivers license photo and continued to drop

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