by Meghann

Created on: September 30, 2008   Last Updated: December 31, 2011

Ever since the invention of the television the concept of marriage has slowly morphed into what is now considered more of a trial and error process. Marriage seems to be as casual as trying on different pairs of shoes. A spouse becomes a little worn, broken in, but not as pretty and special as they were at first. Now there is a desire to "upgrade" when the newness wears off.

Movies became hits if the love story was sweet and passionate and just a little unbelievable. Girls grew up on the Disney princess stories. You know the story lines I'm talking about - The damsel in distress meets her unlikely hero and they fall in love and live happily ever after ... or do they? We don't know because the movies never go past the wedding. They don't show Prince Charming leaving the toilet seat up or wanting to go play basketball with his buddies but somehow is incapable of actually getting his clothes into the hamper. Nor do they show how he is out of commission every year when football season starts. The reality is completely ignored.

Women want the "honeymoon" period to last forever. Most want to "wear the apron" both figuratively and literally. Nurturing is our natural God given talent and so when we go from 'girlfriend' to 'wife' we are happy to tend to our husbands. However, most men see this attention and like it, but do not feel the need to return it. Especially those younger grooms. Marriage is a two way street - in EVERY situation (besides actually giving birth) there is a chance to split responsibility. One spouse's strengths should balance the other's weaknesses and vice versa.

Couples need to have the premarital conversations about their views on religion, child rearing styles, what their individual goals are as far as their careers go, etc so that they can start compromising and come up with a plan that encompasses both of their wants and desires so that they remain on the same page. Too many times couples get caught up in the emotional high that surrounds young love. They forget to look past the immediate and look toward the future. As soon as one partner feels left out or even left behind resentment can develop. A lack of communication inevitably results in two people growing in different directions and if left unattended for too long that marriage may become un-salvageable. It takes hard work on a daily basis to stay connected and keep things in common - and that's a daily work on BOTH parties.

Love is the result of mixing respect and trust together. If either of those staples fade away then the love eventually will too. All love should be unconditional. It is impossible to love someone and not respect them. Or to love someone and not trust them.

The fact is marriage sadly is not considered the life long deal that it once was. Sometimes life becomes boring or mundane. Sometimes the everyday stresses of work, kids, and life in general get in the way or take precedence over connecting to one another. Unless both husband and wife are willing to make time for their relationship and keep it on a regular maintenance plan it will not last. Marriage shouldn't be viewed as a competition, imposition, or obligation. A relationship is a living thing and all living things need attention in order to maintain their livelihood. It needs nourishment and care to flourish. Same is true of the marital bond.

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