by Cyndi Li

Created on: September 30, 2008

I suppose in order to give an opinion on this topic one must first specify a certain age difference. Let's look at an age difference of 8-10 years; thought in all actuality the numbers don't amount to anything.

It's been speculated by many that when a woman marries an older man she does so because she is attracted to his father image and is subconsciously looking for someone to take care of her and guide her through life. Not sure how you, the reader, views this particular interpretation, but I for one was married to a man eight years my elder. I have to say there was absolutely no father image thing going on; consciously or subconsciously.

My own father was and is a great man and an even better father. I did not lack for his attention, guidance or love. Quite the contrary; I and my four siblings were given more attention than most of our friends received from their parents. So, in my own case this interpretation is incorrect.

It's also been insinuated that a woman is seeking financial security and protection by marrying an older man. Wrong again. When we met I made more money than he did, and I was (And still am) a firefighter who had more protection from my service brothers than I'd probably ever need.

So was I attracted to him because I had fallen prey to his worldliness? Was I intrigued by his knowledge of things my young mind was not aware of and distant places he'd traveled too? Nope, not that either.

There are a lot of reasons the experts come up with to explain why a woman would want to marry an older man. I find it interesting these same experts feel there is no need to understand why a man would marry a younger woman. But, that's a whole other can of worms. The truth is, most if not all women who marry an older man do so for the same reasons they would marry a younger man or one of there own age; it's called "wanting to spend forever with a man she loves."

Initially I was attracted to my older man because he was ruggedly handsome. That's usually the reason anyone is initially attracted to someone of the opposite sex. After getting to know him, I became drawn to his soft-spoken, gentle tone and it became apparent his moral compass was pointed in the same direction as mine. I never thought of him as a father or wanted him to fill a need I was deprived of during childhood. Financial or physical safety never crossed my mind, and his travels abroad and knowledge of the world were nothing to write home about.

I'm sure there are some women who indeed marry an older man for some of those reasons. But, to say there is some sort of underlying, psychologically-based reason a woman marries and older man, and to insinuate it needs to be studied and understood is ridiculous.

Different men will marry women of different ages, and for different reasons. A younger woman who marries and older man is no different.

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