by Anita Wellington

Created on: September 30, 2008   Last Updated: December 23, 2010

And I'm standing in the middle of turmoil and testing
In a storm of my own making
The thunder whispers the voices I hear
"Never, never, who do you think you are?"
My feet are sinking in a pit of shame and second-guessing
Where all Your turns are nothing I expected
Nothing that I want, yet everything I need
The confusion of trying it all my way
And trying and failing til I collapse in fatigue

The rain hits my face and turns into tears
Tears that leave rivers of regrets flowing off my face
The ground under me is my self-reliance
And it crumbles away, leaving me clinging to what's left
Of my false hopes
The world I've made is blown away like chaff
With Your gentle breath
I hear the whispers of strength, the violence of love
And I remember what You are
I gather the doubts and the fears in my hands
And I throw them with fury to You
"Just take them, I can't anymore," I scream
And You fling them to the farthest limits of the universe
Until my cold, broken heart beats again with Your peace
And You let me know that it's all right
And Your time and Your ways are still so oblivious to me
But now my trust is in You, not in my own fake strength
I lift my head and my hands
And You pour Your love like torrents of springtime
On my heart
Until I am healed and my heart beats only for You
And I sing
God You are good
But my tears choke my words
And I simply weep Your praise
But now my tears drift into the rivers of life
You flow to me
Let the river flow and drown me in You.

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