by Mona Lisa Safai

Created on: September 30, 2008

These days, more Americans are staying single longer, postponing marriage and children, not having children, or simply not marrying at all. It is difficult not to notice these conspicuous social trends. They appear in your families, circle of friends, and organizations. I notice the looks of dismay at my answer of not being married yet every time a family member visits our house.

I fall into the thirtysomething generation who has chosen single life; single life has not chosen me. The more I look around I also see that many are traveling along similar paths. In the past, I would have been called a "spinster," and "old maid." Certainly, other more derogatory terms were used for us single gals who really just preferred the single life. Men, on the other hand, had an easier time and, at worst, labeled with the proud title of "confirmed bachelor." A bit of a double standardyou bet.

Nowadays, both women and men appear to be catching up to each other. Now, society's impositions at least portray both genders as "curious" or "strange" if not married by 40 or so. I don't know if that is progress or simply another unfortunate commentary on our society's inability to accept people's individual choices.

The challenge for many singles is not to enjoy their path. That is the easy part. The frustration comes when their outside influences do not believe it is possible that such a path is fulfilling. The staggering number of singles continues to rise for reasons yet to be fully explained by research. Overall, the institution of marriage is precious and valued in this country.

The dilemma for many singles is multifaceted. If they finally find someone to marry, they want to be certain the person is right for them. Whether reluctant because of divorced parents, personal experiences, or even placing marriage too high on a pedestal, the outcome is that they want to make the right decision. This means the one they choose to marry will be one of the most important decisions they make and won't be made lightly. One can also conclude that marriage won't be the one of the first major decisions they make either. These are the people who want to be prepared in almost every way possible.

By the time many reach later stages, marriage may not be a goal. Finding a partner may be more appealing. To many, marriage becomes a secondary issue followed by the relationship. If the relationship works, then marriage may or may not follow. What is most relevant is the relationship. This comes after spending years of developing an independent individual.

Living as a single individual teaches independence, self-sufficiency, balance between work and play, and demands personal growth. Without a better understanding of some key elements in life, an individual may fall short of necessary tools for survival and success. While being single may seem lonely by some, the significant differences I have experienced is that I am alone, not lonely. From my point of view, I crave my time. It gives me a taste of freedom, and possibilities to go and do things that I would not be able to do otherwise. It is time, if wisely spent, when I can learn and experience what the world has to offer.

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