by Lorraine Nyc

Created on: September 29, 2008

Speaking as someone who has been in this situation, it is easier to stay. It is by no means what you should do, but yes it is easier. Why? Because it's easier to stay with what you know than it is to try something new. Chances are if you are in a domestic violence situation then you have probably been abused in some way before, so this type of life is not all that unfamiliar to you. That's what makes it easier to stay.

People in domestic violence situations tend to not have very high self esteems, so leaving is like saying that you are worthy of a better life, something that is difficult for a victim to say. In my situation, I saw that my son was worth more than that kind of life and eventually figured out that I was too, but it was my son's life that concerned me first more than mine.

I get very upset when people who have never been in this situation feel that they can judge those that are in the situation. You can NEVER say what you would or wouldn't do, and actually know what you are talking about unless you walk in those shoes. There are usually circumstances that came before the domestic violence situation that play a larger role than that situation itself. So yes, if you are someone that has never been abused, of course you would say you would never put up with that type of abuse, but you don't have the history of walking in a victim's shoes, so you really don't know.

I say again that the easiest choice is to stay, not that it is the best choice. People by nature of afraid of the unknown, even if the known is unacceptable. The very nature of life shows us that the easiest route is not usually the best route to take. It may be easy to do a lot of things, but it is not the best choice you could make. It's easy to make excuses for a violent partner because that keeps the victim from looking at themselves and trying on the idea that maybe they are worth more than what they are getting. It also takes a desire for change and motivation to make a better life. Hopefully, eventually the person in the violent relationship will realize that the only person they can change is themselves. It doesn't matter how much you love someone, you can't change them. Only they can do that. It doesn't matter what you say or do. Only you are responsibel for your happiness and really, you are the first one that needs to look out for your own safety. Until you feel safe, you never know how to feel happy.

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