by Rachel Stockton

Created on: September 29, 2008

Let's face it, marriage, in and of itself, is challenging. And second marriages? Well, they can be downright difficult at times. Statistically, the news isn't good ; approximately 67% of them end in divorce. Certainly, there are legitimate reasons for this.

But, I'm a realistic optimist. The optimistic part of me truly believes that being a second wife can be just as rewarding as any other relationship. The realistic me also acknowledges that there are unique challenges women face when they are in a second marriage. While said challenges cannot be ignored (nor are they for the faint hearted), knowledge is power. By being aware of some of the pitfalls of going into a subsequent marriage, the chances of success can increase exponentially. Here are a few obstacles that can threaten the proverbial primrose path:

Challenge #1: The Past "The Past" is what it is. Part of building a healthy relationship as a second wife is to make peace with it before you tie the knot. And, of course, there are TWO pasts (yours and his), not just one past to come to terms with. If your spouse's former marriage was rife with problems, it's a good idea to try and objectify; stand back and look at the fact that there were two people who contributed to the demise of his first marriage. Typically, what we tend to do is focus entirely on the first wife; "she was a bitch", or "she cheated on him," or "she was impossible. . ." and on and on it goes. But the fact of the matter is that your husband played a role also. Being realistic on this front can help you better understand your own relationship with your new husband.

Challenge #3: Baggage. Two people who have come from previous marriages have accumulated quite a bit of it. I'm told that there are dating websites out there that warn would be hook-ups not to bring any baggage into a prospective relationship. That's hard to do if one has never been married. It's pretty impossible if one has been married before. The key here is awareness. Make sure that you and your intended have gone over some of them before you take the final leap into matrimony.

Challenge #3: Lack of a honeymoon phase. This is out of necessity, because likely either you or your spouse has children. There was only one fairly realistic episode of The Brady Bunch, and that was the very first one. Mike and Carol ended up foregoing a honeymoon alone for one shared with all of the kids (and Alice, of course). As a second wife, there's an immediate jump into family life, with all

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