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It is not acceptable for parents to vent to their children about the other parent. Parents, though imperfect, should have the presence of mind to put their children's needs before their own. A child does NOT need to have one parent pitted against the other or to feel like his parents are in competition. A child's relationship with his parents is different than the parents' relationship with each other. A child loves both parents equally and, though not always blind to their faults, sees no reason to favor one over the other. A child whose parent or parents vent to him will feel the need to take sides, to choose between his parents. Children, even when grown, should not be expected to choose between their parents.

A parent who chooses to burden his or her child with the problems that can arise between spouses is a selfish parent, whether the selfishness be conscious or not. What does that parent hope to gain by venting about his or her spouse to a child? An adult cannot expect a child to be able to resolve the problem, and the child will certainly feel embarrassed, frustrated, and impotent. The child may even want to stand up for the venting parent in that moment, but later may feel to have betrayed the other parent. Why put a child through those feelings? Let your children live in peace and innocence for as long as possible. The world is rough enough for children growing up without having to bear the burdens of their parents.

Now that I am an adult my parents can discuss with me openly about certain issues that they have faced and continue to face in their marriage, but they never vent or talk badly about the other. It would be inappropriate and would serve no purpose. They understand that I love them both equally, despite their faults. They feel no need to compete for my affection. When I was a child I don't remember my parents ever fighting in front of me. Their adult problems were their own and had no business becoming a part of my child's world.

Parents have problems, and many times those problems cannot be hidden from the children. However, a parent can make wise decisions about how to go about facing those problems and how to handle their need to share their feelings with someone. There is a time and a place for all things. A parent who feels the need to vent about his or her spouse should find a close adult friend or a professional counselor with whom to share.

Learn more about this author, Sarah Bailey.
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