by Catie Martin

Created on: September 29, 2008   Last Updated: May 09, 2009

I have seen God's miracles and I am a believer. I discovered the love of God through the words I was hearing. Even in the midst of confusion and sad times I have dreams that someday we will experience eternal life. God is speaking and I will listen. I am confident that this journey of faith will continue eternally.

As a young girl I was traumatized by a horrible event that brought heartache and guilt into my life. I could not understand how a perverse stranger could mistreat a child in the way I had been treated. I could not find a way to forgive him or me for the incident that others thought I would forget. I did not forget because it was a violation of trust and something that hurt me deeply. I kept thinking about how dirty and unloved I felt. Years later, as an adult, a therapist told me that it was not my fault and for the first time in my life I knew it was true that actually I was wrong to accept the blame for the abuse I'd experienced.

After my grandfather died my mom told us that he was asleep and that we would see him again when he woke up and we were with him in heaven. God gave me a dream so as a child I had a beautiful view of eternity, The images that night were peaceful and comforting to me and even today I delight in remembering what I saw.

When I was abused as a child the nightmare of that day became an obsession and for many years I was tormented. I got lost in bitterness, fear and pain. Years of experimentation with drugs, alcohol and self hatred left scars. The thought of suicide intensified. I was damaged mentally and emotionally by my choices.

Then one night I had a dream. Spikes were deeply being driven into my hands and feet and all those who had hurt me emotionally or physically in my life were a part of the crucifixion that I was experiencing, I heard a voice and the words I forgive you were coming from the one who was on the cross. Then I saw that the person who was being so horribly abused was actually Jesus as the picture became clearer and the image of my own body vanished.

I would like to say that life miraculously changed for me then and all the sin in my life went away and I was healed instantly. That is not the case. Gradually I continued on the pathway and more and more has been revealed to me yet the question I asked that night was answered.

I had cried out to God before I went to sleep. I wanted to understand why Jesus had to be crucified and our Heavenly Father has been answering that question more and more each day I am alive. I have had dreams, seen visions and experienced miracles. I believe because God has answered my questions and I am confident that God will answer the questions of others because love is the answer and God loves every one of us so much that he sent his son ,Jesus ,so we could have eternal life. The journey of faith leads to the cross and then to the tomb then to the realization that the same spirit that raised Christ exists today and will exist forever.

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