by Shaheen Darr

Created on: September 28, 2008   Last Updated: February 17, 2011

No marriage comes with a manual, it has to be worked at and it has to be a joint effort or it will come to an end. When one partner seems to be making all the efforts to keep the marriage alive while the other does not seem bothered then there is definitely a problem. The active partner will make every excuse to show their dissatisfaction by arguing over seemingly trivial issues using this as a cover up for the anger they feel at the lack of commitment by their partner. Or they might choose to suffer in silence and feel ill and depressed and find solace in a friendship outside of marriage.

Having a partner who has previous issues that they haven't come to terms with will affect their ability to resolve any current marital issues that need addressing. Their lack of confidence or any personal issues will continue to be a problem until they realise that they need help. This help can be of a professional or medical nature and the resources available are vast for anyone who needs such help. The main thing is to take active steps to seek this help and it will be a way forward not only for the individual but for the marriage itself.

Some couples seek the help of trained marriage counsellors to discuss problematic issues and show them the way forward. It is a question of facing up to the fact that there is need for help and then taking active steps to seek that help. Others might find a way forward by discussing their problems with one another and coming to some sort of understanding to make their married life happier and more content. The main thing is to discuss any behaviour or issues that cause friction or irritation and doing something about them rather than ignoring them and carrying on regardless. The way forward is not to bury your head under the sand but to face a problem head on and find solutions. Though it can be hard for some couples it is the only way that can help to bring about positive results.

If despite trying everything one partner refuses to participate in the marriage fully then it is time to give an ultimatum. The active partner cannot go on being in a marriage alone as this will affect all the other areas in their life and sometimes stress related illnesses can result as a result of this. It is best to make a change and tell the "silent partner" how they feel and how they cannot carry on like this. If this falls on deaf ears then the marriage has come to an end and it is time to give up on this partner and move on.

It is never the case that all marriages will work and sometimes two individuals can find themselves mismatched in marriage. If they can honestly say that they have explored all angles and there is no successful outcome then it is best to move on and part company. There will always be someone out there who is suited to you and if you do not move on from one partner you will never find the one who is right for you and who will be as committed to you as you will be to them.

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