by Melissa Strong

Created on: September 28, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Hmmm, intimacy...More than sex? Some people say yes. Intimacies being the connection a couple feels that make them want to have sex. Others say that sexual play is the only intimacy, the physical closeness that couples share, many right from the very beginning. Another valid point is these views may be gender related, women feeling the former, and men the latter.

As a woman writer who has experienced the loss of intimacy, first our connectivity leading to the lack of sexual appetite for him. In our situation, new was nice. We enjoyed getting to know about each other in every way. As time passed and children entered the picture, we had less and less time to try to connect. As life changes happen, it seems we have less in common, than we did before, and that the differences we have that should compliment each other do not. Without the connections, we cannot enjoy being close in a physical way.

Possible reasons for the loss of sexual intimacy could be of other origins, as well. Being physically close so early in relationships these days may make the whole process monotonous or like work. Having several sexual partners can affect the intimacy, as well as only having one. Thoughts creep in about being with other people for the sake of having that particular experience. Hormonal changes in both men and women can make them feel inadequate to perform' for their mate. Business with family, jobs, and other outside commitments can make the couple too tired at the end of their day. Opposite shifts of work can simply make the timing difficult.

Once the intimacy fades, many other issues can arise from it. The couple could start fighting all the time. One of the individuals could experience a desire to be unfaithful and may even act on it. Any children involved in the relationship could be negatively affected as well. Individual self-esteems could be greatly diminished and multiple medical conditions such as clinical depression, stress related high blood pressure, and weight issues, to name a few, could become rampant.

The marriage relationship takes work to keep at a good level. Many couples may turn to friends, family or self-help books to try to help them. For those who know people that have healthy relationships this may not be a bad idea. For others it may take more.

Individuals in this situation should seek therapy and couples may well benefit from seeking therapy together. A good place to look is in your health insurance provider list. A lot of soul searching, which may be painful at first, can be a great benefit for each individual. Identifying the cause of the diminishing closeness can be a great start in helping a couple regain their connection. Even having a therapist there as a mediator, if arguing has started to get out of hand, can be a great help in the couple relearning good communications skills. A good therapist may come up with homework' for individuals or couples to do to heal past hurts. Some things that may be suggested are having a date night, concentrating on the family by having a special family outing, or even just having sex. If the couple has slept apart for any length of time, sharing the same room or bed may be at the top of the list.

The divorce rate in the United States is plenty high enough. If anyone has these sorts of issues, feel urged to try to fix it. Learning how to have a good relationship is a wonderful legacy to leave our future.

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