by C.V.Rajan

Created on: September 28, 2008   Last Updated: April 10, 2009

Some people say "There are certain things that you can't share with your wife; you need a best friend for it". Is it really true that a wife can not be treated as the best friend by a husband and vice versa? . No relationship other than husband and wife could be more intimate; the only person is the spouse before whom one sheds all of one's shyness and modesty willingly and voluntarily without a sense of guilt.

It is the spouse with whom you share your body and soul and only through such a sharing, you create your progeny. If the closest friendship is not possible with such a a person, then what sort of communication channel worth talking could exist between the two?

An ideal husband-and-wife relationship has the following major elements:

Love, sex, friendship, trust, sharing, commitment and mutual respect.

Each one of these elements actually compliments and strengthens the other elements. A torrential emotional current of love at the beginning may taper out to a gentle and inconspicuous emotion as the partners mature in age. A lustful relationship at the beginning smoothens to a non-intensive physical manifestation of love over the time.

But if there is no perceptible bond of friendship between the partners and their relationship still continues over years, it could only signify the existence of some hollowness in their relationship covering love, sex, trust, sharing, commitment and mutual respect.

There may be millions of couples who continue to be in wedlock without true friendship blossoming between them. I have seen in my own parents such a lack of friendship, but as a typical Indian couple, their relationship has withstood the test of time across more than 6 decades. An undercurrent of love, never overtly perceivable, is very much between them; my mother becomes extremely disturbed if my father falls sick. My father is ever enthusiastic in extending a helping hand to my mother in whatever physical activity she does. Are they steadfastly committed to each other? Yes, of course. Do they have mutual respect? I can't vouch for it. Do they trust each other? Not entirely. Do they share every thing - money, news, opinions, thoughts, doubts, fears and joy? Not entirely. What do they lack? Friendship - obviously.

It is from my parents that I observed and learnt the importance of the essential (but missing) link in marital life - the need for friendship between husband and wife. By God's grace, I could establish a strong thread of friendship between me and my wife right

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