by Tobias Van Buren

Created on: September 28, 2008   Last Updated: September 29, 2008

My life is near a nightmarish hell! Why are my dreams generally better, to have to wake up to the nightmare!

I say 'near' as I'm sure it could be worse. I see many whose lives are worse, my somehow always being drawn to, which I guess is God's intention, so can I just be - satisfied?

I had a dream the other night, as I always dream - usually dreams that are better then real life - some I have that are worse - nightmares. Some are crazy, yet when I experience craziness in my conscious life, it's often entertaining, diverting me away from the awful boredom I experience all the time.

That dream the other night? I was lying down on my bed in a lovely large room with a sloping ceiling. I must have been in an attic room, as at times I had been in my life - almost always rented rooms - only once an apartment, for 6 years. But this one was empty, except the bed I was on - and me on it, of course. The room was all off-white, had three windows - a small one to my left where I was on the bed, a much larger one on that same side of the room near the front, and then another large window in front looking out to the main street - so I surmise, not that I saw what was outside. I guess it was like a room I had on 138 Woodland Avenue, New Rochelle, as far as the front was concerned. That room had no other windows.

There was nothing at all in the room except the bed and me, as I told you - just the off-white walls, sloping ceiling and the newly varnished wood floor -a lovely room!One thing I noticed was - it was raining lightly out, the small window to my left open, observing the dark leaves on trees moving restlessly. I could hear that comforting sound of the rain - a very peaceful sound - and it really was, outside the dream - of my real window - my one and only window to the room I live in.It could be that I was not entirely asleep, since it really was raining outside, my being aware of it through my open window, though not seeing any rush of leaves.

When I was fully awake, I realized it was a dream, and I was sorry it ended. My real life had finally returned - being in a Section-8 Housing SRO, a lot of junk piled up inside - some of it my possessions, some of it garbage needing to be thrown out. I often let my room get messy, as I had at Harbor Lane, New Rochelle in the early-to-mid '90s. But I generally clean it out - eventually - when I can't stand it anymore!

So, I awakened to the real life, which to me is the nightmare - nearly hellish! It is not always that way mind you, but

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