by Vicki Phipps

Created on: September 27, 2008

I've come to believe at the age of fifty-two, that the growing up process takes a very long time to do. As a child, I believed that a grown up human being would be anyone taller than I, so by the time I turned eighteen, I seemed perfectly grown up to me. My eighteen year-old brain actually tried to think that a grown up should get married, so I married a guy who had no more of a clue as to what it means to be grown up than my eighteen year-old brain had the ability to conceive. So, what did we do? We conceived three human beings.

DELUSIONS:

Twenty-three years went by after we dove into married life before I realized how long forever could be when you get married at the age of eighteen, so at the age of forty-one, I thought I was grown up enough to finally be on my own. Besides, my children were grown and on their own, so with an empty nest, I got divorced, of course. It seemed like the grown up thing to do, because you see, my ex-husband seemed to be stuck within the age of eighteen, at least within his grown up mentality of what it means to be a grown up human being.

As anyone might have guessed or bet, except me obviously, living with an eighteen year-old mentality for half my life left me in the strange position of being responsible for half my ex-husband's debt. Do you realize just how much a guy with an eighteen year- old mind can buy in twenty-three years of life? That's why being grown up meant to me at that time, that soon after the bitter divorce, I'd end up in bankruptcy court, which I blamed on my ex, of course. Who else would I blame for my financial demise and child-like life?

ILLUSIONS:

I survived, but by the time I became forty-four, I didn't want to be grown up any more, so I went through my wild, free and single stage of life, since I'd not had the opportunity in my twenties. It seemed to be the only thing to do, so I dated a wealthy guy or two, only to find that wealth doesn't make a guy wise. They seemed to be no more grown up than I, so thankfully, by the time I turned forty-five, it occurred to me that trying to keep up with a wild and free mentality, at mid-life, could be very exhausting.

Only then did I see that within the growing up process, "dis-ease," can lead to disease. Totally unprepared to be branded with, "The Big C," I soon discovered that cancer doesn't care how unprepared we might be. That's why, growing up for me became yet another rude awakening that said, "Living within a bitter mind can lead to your demise." It seems that

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