by Christine G.

Created on: September 27, 2008   Last Updated: March 18, 2012

"Son, you're becoming a man. It's time we had a chat about sex."

"Sure, Dad. What would you like to know?"

This ancient joke highlights an equally ancient truth: parents have trouble seeing their children as sexual beings, and usually lag behind their needs when it comes to providing them with accurate, useful, and age-appropriate information about human reproduction and all the joys and pitfalls surrounding it. The school can be a big help in filling in the gaps for children and their parents. If parents are aware of what is being taught at school, it may give them some realistic guidance about their children's needs. If educators are sensitive to the attitudes, ideals, and hang-ups of the parents, this may help them get the job done without unleashing a cosmic conflict.

There seem to be three basic schools of thought regarding sex education:

1. If we can make sex as boring as any other subject, the kids won't want to do it.

2. Sex education puts ideas in children's heads. If we don't tell them about sex, they will never find out about it. A variant of this is to tell them that sex is evil until they get married, when it becomes a responsibility.

3. If we have open and honest discussions without putting down anyone's opinions or values, children will become comfortable with sex, and will make life-affirming choices regarding it.

Approach #1 is highly technical. The kids learn the scientific names for each and every body part, and are tested on their ability to spell them correctly. This is akin to training dancers by forcing them to memorize the muscle groups in Gray's Anatomy, and testing them on their knowledge of kinesthesiology instead of watching how they move on the dance floor.

Approach #2 is a naive application of "Ignorance is bliss." Kids will find out one way or another. In our cultural climate, they will find out even if they don't want to know. If it is taboo for children to discuss their discoveries, parents and teachers will have no input into correcting errors, expanding knowledge, sharing values, and supporting the young people through their struggles.

Approach #3 sounds good, but it can be more theory than practice. Kids are carrying a lot of baggage from home, from their peers, and from their cultural environment. They are probably more interested in looking good than they are in telling the truth about what is going on with them. At any given stage of development, what is old hat for some is too much information for others.

For example,

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