by Jonnie Chastain

Created on: September 27, 2008

BUYING AFFECTION

The question being debated is as follows: Can you buy your children's affection with expensive gifts? The answer is, of course you can. Perhaps a better question for debate would be, 'should you buy your children's affection with expensive gifts?' The answer is, of course not.

Children, innocent though they may be, are predators of the highest order when it comes to receiving gifts. Their instincts and stalking abilities are remarkable. They come equipped with a natural homing device when it comes to identifying those who are inclined to attempt to win their hearts with gifts. The little darlings will, without mercy, pounce upon the unsuspecting parent or grandparent and devour them. Their methods are devious, and they are without shame. They learn quickly how to pit parent/grandparent against parent/grandparent. They have been known to resort to blackmail in order to obtain the latest item on their endless wish list.

I suggest, that before you become their prey, you might ask yourself the following questions. Is this really the way I want to gain my child's affection? How deep are the roots of such affection? What am I teaching my child about giving and receiving. What am I teaching my child about love. What am I teaching my child about the true role of parents/grandparents. What happens when the well of expensive gifts dries up?

You must answer these questions to your own satisfaction.

As for myself, I've never fancied affection I had to purchase, be it from a child or anyone else. My fear has always been that affection that comes with a price tag is like beauty, only skin deep. That is not the kind of relationship I want with my children or grandchildren.

I want to cultivate a bond of love and respect that has no strings attached, especially not strings from which a price tag dangles.

Nothing is more beneficial to a child than the knowledge that a parent/grandparent loves them unconditionally. To know that no matter what mistakes they may make in life there is someone who, even though they may not approve of the actions that were taken, will always stand by them. This bond between parent/grandparent and child is priceless.

We all want to buy gifts for our children and that is as it should be. But, is the way to a child's heart through the toy store? No. That route is paved with loving parental care.

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